(no subject)

[starkingenuity]

"You have my name. On your arm."

Tony hadn't been agonizing about it but maybe he had just a little and maybe he had driven down to DC to tell Steve Rogers what he was pretty sure that the blond already knew. A plane or the Iron Man armor would have taken much less time, but Tony needed to make frequent stops along the way so that he could try to get himself to turn back and just leave it.

It didn't always happen, the mythical arm writing, but that's what made it to special. Every teenager pretty much spent their years before college hoping for a name to turn up one day. Less than ten percent ever did, and that number was dwindling seeing as how people didn't really care if they had a name on their arm or not. If their parents and religion weren't going to tell them what to do, weird indelible writing appearing on their bodies was not either.

The thing one, Tony did not have a name on his arm. There was no corroborating Steve Rogers written in interesting patterns on his skin. There was nothing. Tony hadn't been a lucky one.

But he'd seen, accidentally, on Steve well after they had first met and it was pretty obvious that yeah, Steve would know that he'd just met Anthony E. Stark, fought beside him in New York, nearly watched him die, and then just moved away to DC after as if nothing at all happened.

Now he wanted answers,

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[starspangledspandex]

The name on his arm was written in a tidy scrawl that wasn't unlike his own handwriting. He honestly wasn't sure when it first showed up. When he noticed it, he realized what it meant. The writing was more common back in his day.

Who it was, well, he went through plenty of emotions. Denial, for one. He progressed through the stages and ended at acceptance. The universe was just playing a cruel trick on him. He wasn't going to end up with the man whose name was on his arm. This was the fact he accepted.

Their personalities clashed. Steve only just came back from the dead. He wasn't ready to date anyone, much less Tony of all people and so he carefully covered the name with whatever he could.

Luckily, it was easy when his suit had long sleeves and gloves.

Steve didn't know that Tony had seen it. So it was a surprise for the man to show up at his DC apartment and lead with that particular accusation. His eyes immediately narrowed and he eyed his living space suspiciously. He was glad his arm was covered now, at least. "Have you been spying on me?"

[starkingenuity]

Yes. No, his brain told him but that wasn't what came out of his mouth. "Yes." Honestly. "That's only been for the last few weeks." Wow. More honesty. Tony cleared his throat and shifted his weight and he felt extremely restricted in his three piece suit. He wasn't even wearing the jacket, left back int the car. He doubted anyone would steal it. No one could get near the bright red convertible without setting the alarm off.

In the basement of Steve's apartment building, in the gym he'd set up for himself, Tony had cornered him.

He had been thinking all sorts of things. When Steve had seen it as a kid, did he freak out? It wasn't like being gay was all right. Did his father know? Was that the only reason Howard settled down? To pop out a kid for a cradle robber?

He felt his stomach hit his knees and that meant nerves and Tony did not get nervous.

"Your uniform ripped. I saw it before you changed. At that restaurant you slept through your meal at. You know. After we chained Loki up. Why didn't you say anything?"

[starspangledspandex]

A few weeks. Great, he hadn't noticed someone spying on him for weeks. He really needs to pay more attention. He sighed, all he was trying to do was get a good workout in. There was a reason this basement room existed. No one really argued with Captain America when he wanted to punch things.

He didn't freak out. He was confused and he kept it hidden. Bucky saw it once or twice and his friend, of course, was understanding. Erskine helped him hide it too. Did Howard know? Steve wasn't sure but he definitely asked plenty of questions about the man's extended family. Stark was a name people knew. Eventually, he determined there was just some other family of Starks.

The truth was too bizarre to even imagine.

It was covered now by the bandages he wrapped his hands in to protect them from the bag. There was a long list of reasons he never told anyone. Clearly he was a little more cynical about this than the older man. "I've been busy, Tony. I don't have time to chase down fantasies."

[starkingenuity]

"You've been awake and defrosted for weeks before Fury decided to make me an offer I couldn't refuse." Nope, not shouting. Okay, yes shouting. Tony was far more emotional than his father had ever been, but there was something incredibly massive sitting on his chest right now (or hanging out in his ribcage playing his heart like bagpipes) and he felt like he might explode.

He did something relatively stupid for a genius, though calculated, and he stepped in front of the bag before Steve could prepare his next set of punches.

"And then you said stuff to make me do stuff and decided to ride right off into the sunset a few days later on a bike I souped up for you. Yes, that was me. You're welcome."

He was really getting worked up here, adrenaline running through his veins.

"You have my name on your arm and you left."

[starspangledspandex]

"I've awake and mourning everyone and everything that I lost when I went down in the Arctic," he snapped back.Now he was upset. Tony was interrupting his free time and bringing up bad memories. He didn't understand why the man was so emotional about this. Yeah, his name was on Steve's arm and generally, he knew what that meant but that didn't mean it was written in stone. It wasn't like the universe stamped a year on there either.

"Is my name on your arm?" he asked evenly, though he was obviously getting irritated.

Steve didn't appreciate being yelled at by anyone. It wasn't like it mattered. Obviously this century wasn't exactly nurturing or encouraging people with names on them. If Tony didn't accidentally see it, he would have never known and he wouldn't have been any the wiser.

[starkingenuity]

But Tony had seen it. He's seen it and now it was like a whisper in the back of his skull. No. That happened before he had seen it, when he and Steve first met eyes across the table. Tony had decided to show off and flit around and not stare back but he remembered feeling those eyes on him.

And what the hell? That whole time on the hellicarrier had been one terrible drama and filled with all sorts of sexual tension-- Or was he just filling in that detail now, considering how obsessed he'd gotten?

"I don't have any name on me." Not unheard of. And, incidentally, that was mostly normal. There were plenty of Lifetime movies about a guy tracking down every lead he could about the name on his arm--

But this was not a Lifetime movie. And Steve wasn't interested. That stupid, perfect face looked down on him so condescendingly.

Tony drew back. "You're nothing like what dad use to tell me," he breathed. "Fine. All right." He threw up his hands. "Sorry to waste time better spent on murdering these poor bags."

[starspangledspandex]

He read all the files before he hit the ground in Germany so he knew who Tony Stark was before they even met and he felt that same pull, but he just lost everyone he cared about to seventy years in the ice. He wasn't ready for a relationship. He watched the man because it was impossible for him not to when he was making himself the center of attention.

No name on the arm wasn't unheard of and especially now but Steve was using that to his advantage to try to get rid of the man.

"I'm not the same man he talked about," Steve replied shortly. "And it's been a long time since the writing showed up. Too much has happened."

[starkingenuity]

Tony couldn't stop wondering if Howard talked Steve up because of that name. If he didn't spend his whole life looking for Steve in the ocean for his son-- That bothered him. Tony knew he was a product of his father's legacy but he didn't want to be in this.

It made his teeth itch. Every step away from Steve Rogers was like walking through molten lead. It hurt. It hurt.

Tony's pride was still intact for now and he wasn't going to rush out of here like a broken hearted school girl.

He was, however, going to sit in his car for a very long time and not yell at anyone taking his picture. Even if he looked shell shocked.

[starspangledspandex]

Steve wouldn't be surprised if he knew all of that happened but it wouldn't sway his opinion either. While he was friends with Howard and appreciated everything the man did for him, but he was sure he would understand what Steve was going through here. Howard wouldn't hold it against him.

He faced the bag and when he was sure that Tony wasn't paying attention to him, he watched him go. It hurt him too but it was better this way. After he walked away, Steve demolished a bag or two, then sighed abandoning his work out.

The best part about this was that it was only a short trip up to his actual apartment and he glanced out his window down to the street. Tony was still sitting there? He told himself it didn't matter. He wouldn't be forced into a relationship he didn't want. He turned on his record player and started unwinding the wraps.

He didn't want to see the name but it was there and there wasn't anything he could do about it. Steve would just have to deal with it just like he always had.

[starkingenuity]

Tony pretty much told himself the same thing. He needed to go. If he was a younger man, he could have tried to pursue this. No, if he was a younger man, he would have denied Steve all together. He would have mentioned scores of girlfriends. Or, you know, Pepper Potts.

She was his girlfriend now. He didn't ever quite say it, but she lived with him and shared his bed and why was he chasing after a guy that didn't even matter?

The answer was probably because he did matter. And that really was the problem here.

He mattered and Tony couldn't leave.

The next time Steve passed the window, the sky dark, that little red roadster was still there, seat leaned back and Tony digging his heels of his palms into his eyes. The crowd of onlookers had thinned out a little.

[starspangledspandex]

When he walked past the window on his way to cook his dinner, he frowned when he saw Tony out front. Was the man going to sit out there all night? He probably didn't have lunch or anything. If his entire goal was to get Steve to feel sorry for him, then it was working.

He shoved open the window and barked, "Dinner's in thirty minutes, Tony."

It was an invitation, even if it didn't sound like it, and he shut the window without clarifying. This wasn't a date. He just couldn't let the man sit out there and starve. He did make sure his forearm was pointedly covered.

[starkingenuity]

Startled, Tony looked up in time to see everyone around looking up to take photos of the man in the window. Steve was probably hoping to yell at him for the paparazzi.

Tony didn't want a date, though. He just wanted-- He didn't know. To get it out of his system? He wanted to talk. He wanted Steve not to be angry as he outlined all of his reasons for everything he said and did earlier.

He wanted to understand. And he wanted this feeling to go away.

Tony drove off, stowed the car more legally, and bought a bottle of wine. He knew Captain American couldn't drink, but he could. He needed something harder but they recognized him in the store and he didn't want to get scotch. So just a nice red.

He arrived at the door with the bottle and shoved it at Steve's chest ten minutes to dinner. "Put it in the freezer to chill."

[starspangledspandex]

No, he wasn't going to yell at him about the paparazzi. He didn't really care about them. They mostly left him alone because well, Captain America isn't as exciting as Tony Stark. He ignores them pretty well. Contrary to popular belief, he's had to deal with his share in the past.

Then he starts on his dinner, spaghetti and meatballs, not the pre-made kind either. It'll feed two people pretty easily and it's quick. He double checks it and then goes to answer the door, catching the bottle against his chest.

"Come on in," he said, turning back toward his kitchen and he stuck the wine in the freezer. He went back to stirring his pasta sauce. Homemade, by the way, because everything is better that way.

[starkingenuity]

Tony shut the door behind him and stayed by it because...wow. It was like stepping into something sepia toned. The appliances were modern, but this place still felt old and dark. Maybe it was the old photos laying around. Or the commendations. Or maybe it was just Tony Stark seeing things that weren't there.

He felt suddenly like he was intruding.

"I'm not going to say that I'm sorry for barging in on you... I'm not sorry. I probably should have called first. It's bothering me. I don't like it when stuff bothers me."

[starspangledspandex]

It was a little old-fashioned, yeah, because that was how Steve wanted it to be. He wasn't ready to fully step into the new world yet. He pulls out plates and set them on the counter beside him. It's mostly just down to patience at this point and waiting for it to cook.

He glanced toward Tony when he started talking and returned his gaze back down to the food.

"I'm sorry it's bothering you," he said, but he wasn't sorry about his reaction. It was completely fair.

[starkingenuity]

"So you're cool with pretending it's not a thing?" Tony wanted to be cool with that, he did, but his brain was pretty much already set on the fact that he wanted to pursue it. He wanted to see if it led to the land of fairy tales and that he had never really been able to settle down because this was what he had been waiting for.

He didn't ask to help set the table. He wanted the wine, not the pasta, but he'd wait for dinner to be done before he went for the bottle, chilling neatly in the freezer.

[starspangledspandex]

"I already was," he replied with a frown.

Obviously he was fine with pretending it wasn't a thing or he would have said something long before now. He tasted the pasta and strained it, then plated the entire meal. He carried the plates to the table and went back to pour them both drinks, which he also brought over to the table before he took a seat across from Tony.

"Bon appétit."

[starkingenuity]

It was delicious. One forkful had Tony's eyes widening. "Did you make this from scratch? I know the box stuff and this isn't box stuff. Wow." Shit. This was even harder now.

He hadn't planned on eating much but he cleaned his plate before he even touched his wine. After Steve answered the question about the food, everything else just sort of drifted into silence.

Tony had a lot to say but he, for once, couldn't find the outlet to say anything at all. His lips pressed together as he put down his fork. His eyes hovered to where he knew his name was. It was distracting.

Steve was distracting.

Food was distracting...everything was just nice and uncomfortable all at the same time.

"I use to think about it. A lot. What I would do if I ever found anyone-- And you know what? People have tried. They'd get my middle initial wrong or it would prove to be a tattoo. Why not link yourself to a billionaire? But you have the real thing...and you were just going to let it go. That's what's making me itch so badly."

[starspangledspandex]

"Yeah, we didn't have much in the way of boxed stuff in the forties," Steve said, taking his own bite.

He learned to cook because he was a bachelor with a name on his arm that didn't belong to anyone he could find. As a kid, he was excited about it but then he grew up. A name didn't mean anything. They might never find each other. They might not have compatible personalities. People changed. He certainly did. There was no point in fantasizing about 'soul mates'.

Steve still listened to him as he finished his own food and he understood. There were one or two people for him. Nothing like what Tony went through he was sure and maybe there were others during his USO time but they probably kept them from him. None of them matched the name on his arm so they were all a lie.

He understood, he did, but it was too late. He leaned back heavily in his chair after he set down his fork. "I gave up on it before you were even born. I fell in love with someone during the war. For me, it's been less than a year since I put the plane down in the water."

[starkingenuity]

Tony held up a hand almost immediately. "I'm not asking you for any of that. I don't want to try it out or date or step out or whatever you use to call it back before I was born. I gave up on the idea of it thirty years ago. I have someone now that I like a lot better than you anyway with a more compatible set of plumbing."

But the idea of it wouldn't kick out of his head.

"Like I said. I just wanted to talk." And he was the only one feeling a terrible itch to do exactly what he said he didn't want to do.

Try it out. Just a moment. Just to see if there was anything to it.

Tony poured himself another glass of wine, finished it, and then stood up. "Speaking of having someone, I should get back. I didn't plan on staying for this long."

[starspangledspandex]

No, Tony wasn't the only one with the itch but Steve could ignore it. He found it hard to believe that the man drove all the way to DC just to confront him. He wasn't so sure that the man was as over the idea as he was trying to pretend. He sat in a car the majority of the day for no reason?

"What did you want to talk about?" Steve looked confused. This was talking? What were they discussing? He didn't really understand what Tony intended with this.

He added, rather helpfully, "You've had too much wine to drive."

[starkingenuity]

"I just wanted to know how you felt about it. You made it clear. We're on the same page with the whole ignoring..."

Why did he have to have the bluest eyes he'd ever seen? And why did his hair have to fall like that, like each piece had one job to fall a certain way and each one did like little soldiers?

Tony wasn't staring. See? Not staring at all.

"I've had three glasses. After six we can talk about maybe having too much wine. I'm fine. Good seeing you again, Cap."

[starspangledspandex]

They were on the same page but he still didn't see why Tony drove all the way down here to find out. Was it to rub how handsome he was in Steve's face? Or maybe to show him how he was missing out on companionship living all alone. Decked out in the suit, he really didn't fit in here, just like Steve really didn't fit in with all the technology in the Tower.

Tony was definitely staring. Steve noticed because he was staring. In the end, it didn't matter. It just wouldn't work. If Tony was around seventy years ago, things might have turned out differently.

"You know I have a phone right? You could have just called me," Steve said, standing up to show him the door. Three glasses might be pushing it a little but he was sure that Tony built up something of a tolerance over the years. "I can video chat too. I'm not completely out of the loop."

[starkingenuity]

"Just because you have a phone doesn't mean it isn't rotary," Tony said, pulling down on his vest as he turned at the door. It was ajar now, he'd pulled it open himself to make a speedy get away that seemed to be getting away without him.

Tony didn't really feel the need to make too much fun of poor Steve. He was amazing with his ability to adapt. He was bright, over the norm for intelligence really, but it felt good to get a ribbing in.

It let him linger longer enough to insinuate himself into Steve's personal space to take a kiss from him that neither said that they wanted. It felt like chocolate melting on the tongue and Tony pulled away, turning abruptly on his heels. "Just testing. Okay, good night. Just throw out the rest of the wine if you don't want to finish it," he said, already moving down the steps across from Steve's door.

[starspangledspandex]

He scowled, he didn't have a rotary phone, thank you very much. SHIELD gave him a smartphone right out of the ice and told him to go to town. He wasn't afraid of poking around and figuring out how it worked. If it broke, that wasn't his problem.

Steve was annoyed enough that he didn't see the kiss coming until it was happening and then it was already over. It wasn't fair for Tony to say that he agreed with Steve when he went and did something like that. Just testing? Yeah right.

"Good night, Tony," Steve said, shutting the door and sighing as he listened to Tony walk down the steps. The man was never supposed to see the name on his arm. It just complicated things that didn't need complicated. He went and finished the wine. He might not be able to get drunk, but that didn't mean he didn't need a drink.