(no subject)

[starkingenuity]

"Not.  My.  Problem."  He's been raging over the finer points of his Jaeger Academy graduation dispatch for the last three hours.  "Do you not know who I am?  Do you not know the contributions I've made to the PPDC?  How about the genius I've lent to the program?  To the pons devices?  To the Jaeger control cores?  The drivesuits?  I do not--  Listen.  Marshall.  I should get a damned say in who you stick me with."

"That's not how it works, Ranger," the calm man tells the somewhat older gentleman sitting across from him.  Stark is a genius.  No one can or will ever doubt that.  He went through a year's worth of training and breaking and mental and physical exhaustion in the span of three months time.  It's...unheard of.  It's completely unheard of.

There's just one trouble.

Stark isn't Drift Compatible with anyone.  Well, with almost anyone.  Somehow, getting a neural bridge to the brain of his dad's science project isn't really high on the to-do list.  "Let me try the Kwoon room again.  Find someone else not in the Academy.  Just not him.  Yanno, I think you're trying to punish me!"

The Marshall sighs.  Director Fury had warned him about Stark.  He just hadn't listened.

Comments

[starspangledspandex]

He's endangering everyone's lives, including Steve's, bullying his way through everything. Respect between Jaeger pilots can be critical. They have to trust one another or they die; there's no two ways about it. Kaiju don't care about how much money someone has behind them.

At least soldiers know how to handle intensive, high stress situations. They are forced to adapt and sometimes creatively. He knows the man is a genius engineer but this... this requires more. This requires the whole package. Inside, outside, everything completely focused and selfless and Steve just doesn't see it in Tony.

He frowns at the comment--he has no idea what 'Jordache' jeans are or if he should be offended. Probably, knowing Tony. "If you're going to insult someone, it means more if they understand it."

Steve doesn't protest his choice. One side or the other. He will say, for as irritating as Tony is, they could both work on either side.

"Yeah, that's fine," he agrees as he steps into his own harness.

[starkingenuity]

He's done this before, listened to the countdown inside of his helmet, waited for the all clear and vital signs to register. This is right about where things go wrong, where hearts and bodies don't sync and minds are so far away from themselves that the testing conn-pod immediately shuts down. He doesn't like getting out of the drivesuit. It always feels like he's in a tin can, like the engineers have to use a can opener to pull him free.

But this is your last chance, Stark. So he has to try. He has to or he's going to wash out and be stuck in R & D. Incidentally, R & D is exactly where he belongs, everyone thinks so. What he can do with machines is nothing short of a miracle, and yet that's not what he wants.

He has to help.

Has to.

"Three. Two. One--"

It feels like a ripping and for the first time in his life, Tony is pulled out of his element and out of his own brain. There's a mixture of images, of memories bleeding together in the headspace created between him and Rogers. Two children crying, one dark haired, one light. Tony's first kiss. Steve losing Bucky. The crash. Another night of alcoholic bliss. DUM-E. A motorcycle full of girls lifted high over head.

Where does he stop and Steve start?

"Holy...shit."

[starspangledspandex]

He'd be lying if he didn't admit he's a little nervous about this. Steve has tried to catch up with technology and he thinks he's doing a good job but something that can take two minds and mush them together is hard to fathom.

Yet here they are, counting down to do just that and Tony is not his first choice of people to share his memories with but he'd signed up to save lives so that's what he's going to do.

The drift hits him hard. It's one thing to be aware what's going to happen and another to experience it. His life flashes in front of him--his mom dying. A whole host of lost fights. The serum. Erskine. Finding and Losing Bucky. His mind stutters on it.

Don't chase the rabbit, Rogers.

Things shift, the memories intermingle with Howard, older, coarser around the edges, more closed off that Steve had ever seen him. At the same time as he shoos Tony away he hands Steve the shield and then he's gone.

He feels what it's like to be drunk for the first time, black-out, stumbling, forgetful drunk. What it's like to sleep with a hundred women--and he's sure he might have seen a guy or two in there--when Steve has only ever kissed one. In both cases.

There's Schmidt and the ice. Drowning while Tony tinkers in his lab. Freezing. Watching the other man demonstrate weapons that should never exist. Waking up again. He tries to wrangle it in. It's not easy.

"Can say that again," Steve says in short, jilted words. It's a struggle not to focus on the memories. Not to draw himself back to Bucky. Not to remind himself he could have done something if he could only have a retry.

[starkingenuity]

All right, he'll indugle them both, trying to breathe again. "Holy shit." Somewhere in the space outside of them, the space where other people never will get to see or understand, there's a flurry of activity. Numbers are being called out which, while the might make sense to Tony on a typical Sunday afternoon are of no relevance now, and the AI cheerfully coordinates the remainder of the sync up.

Reality hasn't shied away from memory, conglomerated, conjoined memory, but it's taken a backseat for Stark. He's curious enough to push through the haze and thumb open the corners before a stern, harsh voice calls him back from chasing one of Steve's R.A.B.I.T.s. It's not his fault that his co-pilot is focusing on the train, on the man that fell into the gulch. It might be his fault for helping him stay there though.

"Stark, damn it, pay a-fucking-tention or this is going to be your last Drift too."

Yeah, that does it. Stark pulls his head back around to face front and sucks in a breath to force his heart to slow down. "Yeah, boss?"

"You two are looking good. Ranger Rogers, I need you to confirm your status."

Back in the conn-pod, Stark looks back at the blond and laughs. "Ranger Rogers. You're a cartoon character." His mouth doesn't move to say it. It doesn't have to. Their thoughts have synced in too.

[starspangledspandex]

The memory draws him in even if he's trying to ignore it. Just let it exist, except he can't. It feels more real than any other memory he's recalled and there's no stopping it. He struggles with it still both living it and knowing it's not real. He hadn't been as prepared to deal with his past as he'd originally thought.

Steve laughs before Tony is treated to a zipline trip onto a train cruising at full speed and there are definitely no nets underneath, just icy ravine. Distantly he hears voices that shouldn't be there and he tries to latch onto those instead, tries to draw himself out. He doesn't want relive the worst moment of his life.

His name and the question--yes, Ranger. He hears Tony's smart remark and that helps but he's still working on it. "Need a minute, here."

[starkingenuity]

No. "We don't have a minute." Tony's right there beside him on the train car, right there watching it happen. He sort of wishes he wasn't because, unprotected, this is more than just a little terrifying, but isn't this what a partner is suppose to do? Kick the shit out of the other one until they pay, as Fury put it so eloquently, a-fucking-tension to what's going on? "This isn't really happening, Spangles." He tries to move in between Steve and the moment, tries to get the attention of the blond as he goes through the motions. "We're stuck in a machine. If you make me wash out--"

But his own thoughts shift to a decidedly younger Stark on Christmas Eve. The night his parents forgot to send a car to bring him home for the holiday from boarding school. He's just sitting there, waiting, feeling the same sort of loss as Steve Rogers does when Bucky falls.

Neither can be upset. Neither can show any weakness.

Tony is eventually picked up the day after Christmas, after the Head Master calls several times to Stark's family home with no answer and had to bring the young boy home to his own family so that he could at least eat a few meals with the school being closed up.

For his trouble, he did get two new wings added on to the school.

Tony never really got over it.

[starspangledspandex]

Does Tony ever use anyone's real name? Steve's irritation pulls him back but not soon enough to keep him from watching Bucky fall to his death like he does in the Capttain's nightmares. A memory that's not his distracts him and it's the final thing he needs to pull back, to center himself again. He'll deal with Bucky--meeting in the alley, dinner just the two of them in a one room apartment, side by side in the war--later. Always later.

Right now, he has things to do and he's stubbornly following Tony into the older man's memory. Children are a soft spot for him and always have been.

"I think I'm well within my rights to call you an adorable kid," he comments, crouching in front of Tony in all his star-spangled glory. "Come on, we gotta go. I don't want you to wash out either."

[starkingenuity]

Using anyone's real name would be a problem...he doesn't usually remember them. Of course, it's different now. Steve is in him, he's in Steve and they haven't quite figured out how to create the headspace that lingers between them so that they can function properly. Hazy bits of memory mix with the new, key player in this world. Just like Bucky fell, so too does the memory for Tony remain unchanged.

Save, of course, for how the little boy with the monsterously huge brown eyes looks up at Steve now. Reaches for him too, just to hold his hand.

Outside of their simulation, the LOCCENT team is going, literally, insane. Everything is off the charts. No. It's far worse than that. The brain waves are merging and with neither pilot actively listening to their verbal commands now, all that's left to do is pull the plug.

It takes more time than they'd hoped and after, both Tony and Steve fall into the embrace of their harnesses before Tony snaps too and starts to tug at the restraints. He's crying. It's actually a pretty typical response to a first Drift.

[starspangledspandex]

Their inexperience at drifting is showing here but there isn't anything to be done about it. They have to do this to find that balance. Steve reaches out to the child and takes the hand, blue eyes warm.

"Come on, Tony. We have to get out of here," he coaxes. This is probably breaking all the rules. Should he be able to interact with a memory like this? He doesn't know.

Steve doesn't get to find out how much interaction they can manage before the team pulls the plug. He's jerked from Tony and the drift, collapsing against his harness. He squeezes his eyes shut in the mask and swallows, taking several deep breaths to steady himself. There's moisture in his eyes but not full on tears.

He straightens, reaching up to free himself from the restraints. Steve wets his lips and looks toward Tony. "You alright?"

[starkingenuity]

Nod. Nod-nod-nod. He has to fight to get his helmet off and when he does, he has to fight not to throw up. He'd not expected it to be so intense, but alas. Too late now. He ought to have paid better attention in the solo simulations. Or actually not rocketed through them all and used them for a better idea on how all of this was meant to go down.

"I'm all right," he says, helmet falling to the floor as he reaches up to undo his harness and nearly trips out of it. Wouldn't that be great? Tony Stark, killed in conn-pod simulator accident. Brained himself on the main console.

There's a clap from somewhere beyond them and Fury comes into view with a smirk on his lips and a glimmer in his one remaining eye. "Well done, gentlemen. Well done."

Tony doesn't think so, but all right.

"We'll move to your Jaeger training schedule tomorrow. Got a brand new Mark-III for you boys to try out."

[starspangledspandex]

His own helmet is pulled off and set down on a console, he drags his hand across his forehead. This had been an intense experience and he's already planning on doing it again. Never let it be said he doesn't rise to the challenge.

Steve watches the other man as he steps from the harness and he frowns slightly. He can still feel all the memories there and knows what the man has been through. There's greatness underneath the arrogance; he just doesn't think Tony realizes it, not in the way Steve means.

He turns at the clapping and he frowns at Fury, "Respectfully, Sir, do you think we should be practicing in Jaeger already?"

[starkingenuity]

Hands on his hips, Fury arches his eyebrow and gives Rogers a look that might make lesser men pee their pants. Tony's still a little pale and still not doing well getting himself to stand up straight. What's handy? Well Steve Rogers is handy. It's hard not to trust someone who has just experienced your entire life. And who had been in a plane crash and been revived and--

There's too many memories to sort out and the human mind just can't hold them all. That's lucky. Tony doesn't want to deal with them either.

"Yes, Ranger, I do think you should be practicing in a Jaeger. I don't know if you remember the last few months or so, Rogers, but we've got a problem out there and they don't wait for men like Stark to stop looking like he might throw up on your boots. Get out of the drivesuits, take a breather and I'll see you both back here tomorrow."

[starspangledspandex]

He doesn't back down from the look that Fury is giving him. Steve had faced down the Red Skull and death without blinking he's not afraid of a guy with an eye-patch. He glances at Tony, Tony who had a crappy childhood but who leads a nice cushy, billionaire lifestyle now or would, if not for the Kaiju.

Steve still isn't sure about this. He trusts Tony, probably, but he doesn't know if the man can handle a Jaeger in a real battle yet. He's in no hurry to get either of them killed.

Except he apparently has no say in the matter.

"Yes, Sir," he straightens to attention and nods. "We'll be here." He glances at his drift partner, "Think you can make it out of here, Stark?"

[starkingenuity]

"Don't worry about me, old man."

Amazing how an insult can sound so...affectionate.

How long is he suppose to feel connected to Steve? They're no longer sharing headspace but it's hard to block out additional memories. He's a genius, after all, his capacity for memory -- when he wants to have it -- is extreme. Now, his mind is still caught up in Steve's. He still remembers it all. The feeling of intimacy, of finally having someone understand him--

Is it any wonder that he finds himself outside of Steve's small room at the shatterdome that evening? Probably not. Pilots tend to bunk together for a reason. It has nothing to do with lack of space. Tony's never hesitated in his life, not with anything, and yet here he is, fifteen minutes after arriving, arm aching for constantly being poised to knock, Stark finally does.

And now he's completely blanked on what to say.

[starspangledspandex]

Surprisingly, Steve isn't irritated by the nickname. He knows it's not really an insult. There's a difference with Tony--in the cadence of his voice, in his body language--between an insult and an affectionate nickname. It's not easy to tell which is part of what makes him so charismatic.

It's strange. He probably should be irritated. They'd been far from civil with one another when they'd first met and now Steve knows why Tony hadn't liked him from the start. He knows everything. He's lived every moment of the man's life alongside him now. It's a completely different world from his.

"Alright, I won't," Steve tells him, even if it's not entirely true. He knows Tony feels like he has something to prove and he's not sure he agrees but he understands anyway. "Make sure you actually eat something tonight," he adds as he leaves, going to get out of his suit and heading back to his room.

It's hard not to think about all the things he's experienced through Tony. They're right there. He hadn't expected them to linger. Steve doesn't have near the memory that Tony does but he's good enough. Steve sets to filling a sketchbook with before and after photos.

All scenery and landscapes, roads, streets he'd been too before on the left and Tony's memory of them on the right, as they are now. Focusing on the background makes it easier not to think about what's actually happening.

He wonders as he flips pages what Tony is doing. It's ridiculous. He feels like a schoolgirl with a crush--even if that is not a thing he has considered yet--but the man is, quite literally, on his mind. He's just as hard to ignore in his head as in real life too.

The knock startles him from his musing and he sets the sketchbook aside so he can answer the door. His clothing is much more relaxed this time. He's not even wearing shoes.

He pulls open the door without looking and isn't as startled as he should be to find Tony there. "Evening."

[starkingenuity]

"Turns out that I really suck on eating properly," he offers, having to actually lift his head given the elevation of each of their bunks. And maybe Steve's annoyingly massive height. He offers the blond a smirk and a shrug, crossing his arms over his chest. "And I hate what they have in the mess. So how about we head into the city?"

He takes a moment to note Steve's appearance. The bare feet, the lounge clothes. He thumbs his nose and twists his body at the hips.

"Or, or I could go out and bring something back? If you're pretty much in for the night I mean," he offers, trying not to look anything more than just some guy trying to be nice to some other guy and not like some guy who happened to experience Steve's mom die and guy he sort of liked if it was even remotely okay to like a guy back then.

Emotions now are still confusing, still all tied up in everything that is Steve. It should even out soon, even if there's the lingering possibility of a ghost drift here or there, but they hadn't been connected all that long. They should be all right. And separate.

"Or not, you know, whatever. If you are already, that's cool too, just trying to be nice, neighborly, you know. We do have to work together."

[starspangledspandex]

Hey barefoot and relaxed is as short as he gets. It's not his fault that Tony hasn't been blessed with his height. There are shoes for that.

His forehead raises as he lets Tony ramble. He's not big on the whole interruption thing and he's waiting on the man to reach some kind of conclusion. Everything is different when you know where someone is coming from. When you live their life, you see the things that made them the way they are and it's harder to blame them for any annoying quirks.

Steve, who is inherently quiet, really is a perfect match for Tony who is definitely not.

"I can always eat," Steve says before the man can spit out anymore options. "I wouldn't mind seeing the city. I haven't been out of the Shatterdome yet and before that I was stuck at SHIELD."

He steps back, letting the door fall open and the few knick-knacks he does have might have been in fashion in the forties. Maybe. Along with a handful of old black and white photos. Thanks to the drift, Tony will recognize them as Bucky, the Commandos and pictures of Steve's parents. Probably the only ones in existence anymore. He hadn't asked how SHIELD got them.

"You can come in while I put my shoes on if you'd like. Hope you don't mind if I go out in this. I'm still waiting on a shipment of clothes to come in." He's certainly seen people out and about in less. These are workout clothes so he figures they're publically acceptable.

[starkingenuity]

What does Tony care if Steve goes around like that? People wander around in less. He has no idea how their minds have already synced up, something likely in his favor. He might find it distasteful, or at the very least, unseemly. Tony doesn't share well with others. Only child syndrome and all, something Steve's never had since he did a lot of his growing up in an orphanage.

Tony does step inside, though, wearing his Ranger's PPDC coat, hands in his pockets. They've yet to be assigned to a Jaeger, and the logos on this jacket will change, but like all budding pilots, Tony is proud of himself and of his accomplishments. And he's got that rockstar mentality.

Steve had been thrust into that particular life. He's going to have to get use to it all over again.

Tony mutters a thanks and a whatever you want as he steps up into Steve's bunk and glances around. Bucky. His parents. And a book. From memory, Tony already knows it's a sketchbook and he already knows Steve's a pretty good artist.

He's not curious enough, yet, to go snooping.

"I kinda expected you to have spray painted the star-spangled banner across the walls." He's not trying to be a jerk. "They really seem to like your whole theme. If our Jaeger has a star in the middle of it's chest I'm going to write angry letters to Consumer Reports."

[starspangledspandex]

He doesn't have any idea that their minds are synced up either. It's probably better on both counts. Outside the drift, they still need to be their own people and they should focus on their own memories.

Steve had hated that life. It had felt cheap and shallow; he had wanted to be someone. His own Ranger coat is tucked away in his closet somewhere. His simple leather jacket does him just fine and he pulls it down to drop over the arm of the chair.

He really is scrapping by as far as clothing goes. Pretty much the only thing in the drawer he pulls open is two days worth of clothes. That is all he could fit in one suitcase with the more important things, like the pictures.

Steve grabs socks and his boots, sitting down to pull them on. He glances up at Tony and makes an amused sound. "As much as I appreciate the flag, I look at it enough on the uniform. You overdo it and it stops having meaning."

He has no say in the Jaeger but he hopes it's nothing so ridiculous.

[starkingenuity]

Sorry Steve. He's really a little pushy when it comes to...to absolutely everything. Pulling open drawers, after he's seen Steve close them, the other Ranger frowns. You've got to be kidding him. There's no clothes here. It's not like they wear uniforms regularly, not as pilots, but there's got to be some give to Steve's wardrobe. He needs to talk to Fury. Or go behind his back and tell Jarvis to order him a few in Steve's sizes and send them down from Malibu.

Not all that hard when you're stationed at the Los Angeles Shatterdome. It does keep the annoyingly rich playboy billionaire feeling like he's still on home turf. Stark makes all sorts of mental notes as he turns and leans back against the dresser, arms folded to at least attempt to prove he's behaving.

Once Steve's boots are tied, Tony bops passed him and out the door, waiting for him at the bottom of the steps. They'll pass Fury on the way, who stands aside, eyebrow raised, and says nothing. For all of the fighting they did at the Academy, the two seem more than at ease together. It's relieving.

And maybe a little terrifying.

"Ever have Indian?"

here's hoping this is coherent!

[starspangledspandex]

Well, Steve has nothing to hide at least. He gives Tony a look as he pulls open another drawer but he doesn't say anything. His wardrobe would be better when the next shipment came in. He should have a few packages arriving though they still probably wouldn't live up to Tony's standard.

For the most part, he notices that Tony is behaving. From his memories, he can tell that he usually sticks his nose in everyone's business. "I have more clothes coming," he tells him. "Before you plan to go get me some."

He straightens from his seat and grabs his jacket as he heads out the door after Tony. The tension that had been between them when they'd met is gone; it's strange how comfortable he feels about it.

Steve shakes his head, "No, there weren't many Indian restaurants in New York in the forties especially that I could afford and I was on service rations the rest of the time.

[starkingenuity]

Cue the glance over his shoulder as he gazes up at his co-pilot. He had been planning to get him some. Which is...strange. Then again, he's had stranger coincidences and Stark decides that he's just not going to buy into any stray thoughts like that. He's got money, a lot of money, even though he's given so much of it to the war effort. It seems natural that he might try to get his under dressed drifting partner a little bit of a makeover.

Contented with that explanation, he focuses instead on restaurant choices. He doesn't have a car here. That doesn't mean that he can't hire one, but he's more of a taxi guy anyhow. The war's afforded him with a trade off on his dislike of handling things after other people so after they move through the long, dark halls of the Shatterdome to the street, he not only hails his own cab, but he opens the door for Steve too.

"You'll like it. It might not like you, but just try to be open minded." It's funny to say that, considering Steve has to be open minded, and the little smirk Tony gives to the blond is nothing short of a clone of Howard's.

Seeing his father in Steve's mind is still a little jarring for the much older pilot.

It's actually started to affect his own mannerisms...at least slightly. He's always been his father's son.

[starspangledspandex]

Steve has seen how the man lavishes people in attention and in things. Tony is more materialistic than the super-soldier has ever been. He'd grown up in a time when things hadn't been as important as people--at least to an orphan with nothing. Tony acts like money is as common as dirt. It's... odd. He doesn't think the man knows any other way of keeping people around then spending money on them either. It seems to be a common theme.

The smirk almost makes him double-take. Steve hasn't been in this century that long. Howard is still young and fresh in his mind. It's hard to pair it with the Howard he's seen in Tony's memories.

"I'm open-minded," Steve tells him with a frown as he slides into the Taxi. "I don't mind trying new things. I've never been one to back down from any kind of challenge."

[starkingenuity]

"Now that sounds like a challenge," Tony laughs and half turns towards the other man as the taxi takes off to a location that sounds half made up but at least they're going in some sort of direction. The LA Shatterdome is located just on the very edge of the city with easy access to the ports but the restaurant is decidedly more in town. For the most part, anything but the coast has been evacuated. No one wants to live near a potential Kaiju landing point after all.

The shorter of the two leans back in his seat and tips his head on the back. His lips are pursed. Thinking. Contemplating. And the smile he gives to Steve a moment later is anything but entirely kosher.

"Do you trust me, after being in my head?"

The challenge is on. How much about Tony does Steve actually know just by seeing his life?

[starspangledspandex]

It actually hadn't been a challenge. Steve should have known better than to make such a grandiose statement in front of Tony. He's one of those people that eats those up and tries to prove them wrong.

Steve glances out the window as they drive. The shatterdome is impressive as he'd seen coming in but he's interested in the way the city looks. He'd never been to LA in the forties but he knows things have changed.

His head tilts at the question and he gives Tony a slightly suspicious look. The need for the question at all means he's up to something but Steve isn't sure exactly what. Does he trust him?

"Yeah, I'd say I do," he decides finally. A moment later and he adds, "Why?"