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[starkingenuity]

[Tony volunteers for the worst sort of body take over ever: here.]

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[starkingenuity]

Well Bruce. FRIDAY is upstairs. Tony’s got shit on him to alert her what’s happening. Someone should have made sure he brought his phone but there had been too much kissing and then dressing and then trying to pretend that there was nothing going on has caused Tony to leave said phone about where he left the chips. Upstairs. Far away. And without embedding sensors all over the place, as this isn’t his home, the AI is doing her job and monitoring the chips.

It’s not a good look when two geniuses can’t remember a phone. Then again, on this whole planet who would have expected that an imprinted psychic alien would find them and try to toss out her competition?

“Why would you say that? You’re perfectly virile!”

[hulkbusted]

They had been a bit distracted and Bruce had thought that it was a good idea for them to get out of the room before Tony made any suggestions about giving the bed the same kind of test run that the hot tub had gotten. It honestly hadn't occurred to him that Tony would step out on an alien planet with no 911 available.

So he's still hoping for a suit intervention as he tries to dissuade Kiara from any thoughts of making more little jar aliens together.

"I'm not." He's back to shaking his head and there's a real question to whether he'll ever be able to stop, considering how this day's been going. "I'm really not. I'm genetically nonviable, my bodily secretions are toxic, and you need to trust me that I absolutely cannot engage physically."

He leans past her to check on Tony, then gives her a firm look. "And you hurt my best friend. I don't find that a turnon."

[starkingenuity]

Kiara gives Bruce an unexpected sort of look, one that is actually a mirror of his own, but without the precision. Her brow creases in tension. Her lips are poised and her eyes narrow slightly. She tilts her head like a bird might (or like a raptor in Jurassic Park), and for a moment, it’s like she might strike him.

“The creature that swells within you is so easily nullified, Doctor Banner,” Kiara says, which likely will get all of Bruce’s attention despite Tony struggling to stand up. He’s fine, just bruised, carry on with your lady friend, his eyes definitely do not say as he scowls at her lovely behind in purple leather pants.

Kiara’s eyes flash.

“We should go somewhere more private. I have learned it is the civilized thing to do.”

[hulkbusted]

She already had his attention, but what she says makes the rest of the world just completely go away. Even Tony. His hands tighten their hold on her hand before he relaxes his grip, though he can't quite hide the speculative look in his eyes. To be free of Hulk - what would he do to see that dream realized?

He says nothing for an infinity that lasts a full minute, then asks, "Nullified as in gone completely or temporarily?"

If he hadn't asked, the question would torture him for life.

[starkingenuity]

“It would be your choice. Sometimes you view this other you as a boon. You wish to control it. And that is what I would give you. He would, in many ways, be as my host is now. Asleep. Unaware. Not dead, for I can draw upon her knowledge and her strengths, but she will never again wake up. This is what I can give you.”

Her free hand lightly brushes against his cheek—. Okay, she tries to lightly brush his cheek but it’s more rough than she’s intended and she frowns.

“You will need practice when you become him. As I need practice with this body.”

“Banner—“ Tony’s finally on his feet. Wary. Hands out. Kiara rolls her pretty eyes and leans into Bruce for his trouble.

“Mind over matter. That is a saying I pulled from your best friend’s mind. And it is truth. You can be whole. You can use his strength. But you will never lose control again.”

[hulkbusted]

Everything he's wanted since the accident handed to him on a silver platter held by a beautiful woman. Anything Tony has to say is irrelevant to what he's being offered.

To be free of Hulk, but not the strength that helped save New York and Asgard's people? To be able to have a stable life? He tries to be a good man, but this is something more powerful than his will to be good.

He can't look away from Kiara to Tony. If Tony would deny him a real life, is he really his best friend? "And in return? Nothing like that comes for free."

[starkingenuity]

“You are my mate,” Kiara says softly. “I want a child. It is my sole purpose, to give life to my people. I am all there is until you give me what I need. And then there will be two.”

Tony is pretty sure that this becoming some weird alien porno. He’s just waiting for the music to be cued and even glances around as if he’s trying to spot the film crew. Or the guy with the shakey handheld.

“Life for a life. Surely that is fair?”

[hulkbusted]

The chances of his breaking his promise to Tony about kissing Kiara are growing by the moment. Is this going to be one of those genie situations where he gets bitten in the ass by the fine print?

She's winning him closer and closer to agreeing by the moment, but he's still looking for those gotchas. "If-- if I were to do this, how long does it take for the child to reach a point of needing a body of its own? It seemed like you were in your vessel for a very long time."

Would he be unleashing a quickly reproducing, locust-like plague of body snatchers? He had wanted children, but ending civilizations across the galaxy has never been one of his dreams.

[starkingenuity]

Tony is silent as Kiara seems to think this over. Her hand leaves Bruce’s cheek to rest upon her belly. “This species takes roughly thirteen months, as you might understand them, to fully gestitate a child’s body. There will be several of our offspring within that body who will need to find suitable urn to mature in. I will die of mortal causes as will the primary child we have together. The rest will wait until a suitable host comes across their urns and a suitable mate wakes them. It may take many lifetimes. I member my mother. And I remember the mortal sibling whom I started life within. I miss both dearly, though neither truly knew me. And I never truly knew them. It is... it is difficult to be congnizant of long periods of nothingness, Doctor Banner, but while I did not have a childhood, I have a life now to live for as long as this vessel carries me. You are looking to see if what I propose will harm others?”

She’s insightful. Tony really doesn’t like her at all. He kind of wishes he hadn’t had that Hulk juice. The hot tub was restorative but it really didn’t do more than take the edge off.

“All life harms others. But it is life. And my people have a right to it. Please. Help me. And I will help you.”

[hulkbusted]

"Mortal causes?" His eyes drop to rest on Kiara's hand on her abdomen, and there's a lot to process here, including the massive ethical violation of impregnating this body, which only compounds how he contributed to violating it by dropping Kiara here in the first place.

"This is a lot. You're saying all the things I want to hear, offering me my life back, but..." His mouth twists like he's tasted something bitter and he turns his head away, eyes turning up toward the ceiling for guidance that won't be there.

"I need some time to think. Give me an hour upstairs with Tony and I'll give you an answer." To be honest, he doesn't always trust Tony's judgment, but he does trust his mind. He needs someone to point out what he's missing because he's blinded by the chance to end this long nightmare.

[starkingenuity]

“I will be forever mortal once I have my child, will I not? I may die of old age or of a fall or of angering another.” Funny, that. A being who has been immortal while in her urn, while in this body and capable of moving into others, is willing to give that I for a baby? The biological drive, or physic drive in this case, to reproduce is astounding.

The alien agrees. If Banner leaves her, she will find him, or at least follow him until she can not.

“Take all the time you need. Think my name, truly think it, yell it within your thoughts, and I shall come to you.”

“Generous,” Tony grunted as Bruce and Kiara break off their annoying touching.

“He is my mate. One must be generous with the father of one’s children,” Kiara says and steps back to allow the two to retreat.

[hulkbusted]

He can finally breathe properly once Kiara gives him space. Shaking off the spell of having his dearest wish dangled before him doesn't come easily, but getting to Tony and checking to see if he's hurt or if he just had the wind knocked out of him helps him shift his focus.

"Sorry to cut into the sightseeing." He says quietly, looking Tony over and almost guiltily stealing glances at his face for some read on his mood. "But I could use your input upstairs."

He isn't touching the whole mate thing or that Kiara could possibly hear him if he just mentally yelled for her. He just nods to her and says, "I'll yell."

[starkingenuity]

Tony isn’t sure what input he could actually give to Brice right now. He’s a little confused himself. In his line of work, if things seem too good to be true, they probably are. What’s Kiara’s scheme? He doubts she’ll let him go with a bun in the oven.

And she said ‘children.’ Plural. Why? Does she hope to have a lot of families? Build a lot of urns for those kids within kids? And from what Tony knows of Bruce, the guy kind of wants that family too.

He quiet as they ride the elevator back upstairs. He’s jealous and trying not to show it, but it radiates through his pores just the same.

[hulkbusted]

Bruce isn't sure, either, but he needs something before he just goes for it. If Kiara can actually do what she says, he could have a life. He and Tony could decide if what they were doing in the hot tub is just two lonely men or something more. He could kill the omnipresent fear that the next Code Green will be the end of Bruce Banner.

"Talk to me. What am I not seeing?" Other than the question of how long Kiara thinks she's keeping him and whether it's even possible for a human to impregnate an alien?

And whether Tony's going to resent him for killing Hulk.

[starkingenuity]

“Let’s see. How much time do we have before you telepathically hollar for your space princess?” He’s not being fair and he knows it but that doesn’t stop him from stalking back to their appropriated room to drop onto a bed he’d been worried about being filthy not too long before. “FRIDAY, set up a list. Headers, pro and con.”

The iron man armor lifts its palm and the projection on the wall comes from a wave variant on the repulsor beam.

“Pro: sex.” He’s not beating around the bush here. “Con: being an alien love slave for all eternity.” Tony wishes Bruce had asked about that. He hadn’t so he was just expecting the worst. “Pro: keeping yourself from smashing stuff. “Con...?”

He arches an eyebrow at Banner. Join the fun!

[hulkbusted]

Bruce trails in Tony's wake and ends up pacing the room rather than trying to find a place to sit or joining Tony on the bed. He's both surprised and not by Tony's attitude, just as he's both surprised and not by his own level of guilt for this situation.

"Con: she was literally born yesterday." Looking for a distraction, all he's got is picking up the towel Tony just tossed away earlier. "Pro: not living a nightmare where one wrong step could mean I'm the one locked in the trunk while Hulk takes the driver's seat for good."

Okay, now what's he supposed to do with this wet towel? Good call, Banner.

[starkingenuity]

He’s being selfish. He’s always selfish with people he loves but he’s being more selfish than even he thinks he has any right to be. That bothers him. That’s what drive people further away than anything else. Tony sucks on his lower lip, in thought but not thinking about the earlier kiss, and sits up.

“Erase the cons. They don’t matter.” Bruce will have his life back. That life might be raising a family with a body stealing alien and having children with her that will eventually do exactly what she is doing. It might mean that he is eternally tied to her, but would that be so bad in the grand scheme of things?

Objective Tony doesn’t think so.

Subjective Tony wants Bruce to be happy no matter what, though obviously he’d prefer it if Bruce was happy with him.

“Congratulations on your upcoming Nuptuals, Doctor Banner.”

[hulkbusted]

He gives up on the towel and tosses it over the back of the chair where his is draped and goes to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Nuptials." The word is like bile in his throat. "Con: I'm not a fling and I'm not doing so well wrapping my head around the reality of screwing my way out of having to worry about Hulk."

What happens if he can't get it up? That probably won't be a problem, but the way his life has gone, it could happen.

[starkingenuity]

“That sounds like the best way to get rid of him,” Tony says softly. “Pretty fun, not much effort. No one’s asking you to get off—. Uh. Well you might want to figure out how that species does the nasty. Maybe all you have to do is rub butts.” The thought was pretty hilarious. And then grew dark. “Or maybe she has to eat you. But if it’s just bumping uglies Banner... do it. It’s a way out.”

Tony would do it in a heartbeat. He’d do a whole lot of things in a heartbeat but this, specifically, was an important step in the right direction for Banner to go.

“Just don’t forget too much about me. I get it. She’s got a nicer rack than I do. But I have a cool lab and barely notice any consequences to my actions.” He's meaning that to be funny. So laugh, Banner, and then go and get that alien loving!

So long as there’s no cannibalism involved of course.

[hulkbusted]

"I'd try to make you uncomfortable by telling you I'll be thinking of you, but I don't think it would make you uncomfortable." His laugh is weak and a little forced, but there's a thread of genuine humor to it because dark is his forte.

"Promise me if you go out while I'm off doing..." Doing Kiara. While he's off doing the hot, green alien. "Take a suit with you if you go out there." Because he can't imagine Tony staying up here and just waiting unless he gets hold of more Hulk juice, and if he gets hold of more Hulk juice, he'd probably still stagger his way out into the city.

"Do you have something I can use to get in touch with you if I need a rescue? You know if it turns out she needs to bite my head off or she didn't mention that her host is going to need me to host the eggs or something?"

[starkingenuity]

“I don’t have a vagina, Banner. But hey. Maybe she doesn’t either,” Tony joked, climbing out of bed as if he wasn’t sending the guy he just made out with to someone else. This felt so weird, almost forced, like a really bad movie. But again. No handheld cameras or college age would be directors anywhere in sight smoking clove cigarettes.

He prepared one of the suits, having it drop all of the snacks first, and then cannibalizes (whoops, bad phrasing) pieces of one of the joints and some electrodes in the helmet to twist together an ear-worn comm.

It’s the best he can do on short notice. And like a thousand times better than most people can do when given a manual, a pre-made kit and YouTube videos.

He stands in front of the other scientist as he fits it into his ear, touch lingering. “Don’t have too much fun, Doctor.”

[hulkbusted]

It is absolutely weird and forced. Bruce is so not a casual sex kind of guy. Granted, there's nothing casual about this, but it's not the right kind of not casual.

While Tony almost literally pulls a comm out of his ass, Bruce has some quiet words for FRIDAY. "Don't leave him alone. I want to see him in one piece when I get back."

The comm is a lifeline that Bruce intends to cling to (and hope that Tony doesn't decide to eavesdrop.) He let's Tony put it in, watching him solemnly, as though he's on his way to a battlefield. "If I wake up and this was a dream, I just want you to know that you're missing out." No alien hot tub, no Hulk juice, no strange sexual tension and kisses. "I'll have only as much fun as I need to. If it works as promised, I'd kinda like to have some left for someone--" I actually have feelings for. "--important."

That's it. That's all he's got. Any longer and he's going to find some damn way to talk himself out of his greatest wish. He gives Tony a tight smile and a squeeze on his shoulder, then turns away, heading for the hall and the elevator.

Kiara. Kiara!

[starkingenuity]

It’s such a weird thing to say and Tony just blinks his ridiculously massive eyes at the other scientist for a moment before he watches him leave, a bemused expression on his face. Bruce might be thinking hard about his soon to be baby-mama, but the buzz in his ear is from someone who couldn’t be further from her. “You’re oddly romantic when you want to be.” Tony let’s it go from there and decides that if he’s going to be round number two, he’s just going to let FRIDAY monitor the process. And he’s going to cause some mischief. Not by leaving the room, but by tapping into the wires.

What else is a genius on an alien world waiting for his bestie to finish having sex supposed to do?

Kiara isn’t too far away and once more meets Bruce as he steps off of the elevator, glancing at the walking, headless suit of armor that steps out with him.

She isn’t too concerned about that and lays a hand on Bruce’s chest once more. “Thank you for this, Doctor Banner. I will tell our children about you.”

[hulkbusted]

At his age, a literal round two with Tony isn't exactly on his agenda, but now that he's aware that all the flirtation and innuendo isn't just joking habit, a little balm for Tony's jealousy isn't amiss. There will be plenty more to work out if this succeeds.

He huffs at the voice in his ear. "Don't eavesdrop, okay? Exhibitionism isn't really my thing."

The elevator ride gives him just enough time for his nerves to start jitterbugging, and it shows in his uncomfortable shuffle. "Bruce. If we're going to--" He gestures vaguely between himself and Kiara. "If we're going to that up close and personal, just call me Bruce."

He covers her hand with his. "Tell me you have somewhere private we can go? Your host's quarters?" After a quick look over his shoulder, he adds. "Don't mind the suit. It won't cause any trouble."

[starkingenuity]

“My quarters,” Kiara says. Her host is no longer a host. They are the same, though the woman she used to be sleeps. And will continue to sleep in perpetude. This doesn’t bother her. It shouldn’t bother Bruce.

It bothers Tony just a little, not because he’s silently promising not to eavesdrop, but because he doesn’t get to make the final joke that Bruce doesn’t seem to have a lot of ‘things’. He’s already told FRIDAY to silently monitor the earpiece but she’s gone ahead to tell him if that last bit of information as it was directed at him. He hates not getting the last word in.

Kiara and Bruce go up to a room that is much lower than the Hulk’s, but the view is lovely just the same. She doesn’t seem to notice. She is focused on retrieving a small box from under her bed. Setting it in the table, she flips up the lid and removes two vials and a long silver dagger from it and lays all three in a row.

“Let us remove the beast from your head first. You will need lay down and be very still.”