Who the Hell is Bucky?

[starkingenuity]

"So you cut your hair, destroyed SHIELD, get Fury killed and now you want to team up again?"  Tony turned in his swivel chair three quarters to the left and two to the right like some evil super villain while Bruce Banner rolled his eyes behind him.  Wisely, he stayed quiet.  Being Tony's 'other half' and his 'soul mate' and worse, his therapist, was enough to give him a good enough idea of what staying quiet tended to do for him.

Chiefly?  He didn't get pulled into these sorts of conversations.

"And did you like grow another three inches around your biceps?  It's people like you that make it harder for ordinary guys to get dates on Friday night."

Comments

[starspangledspandex]

He scowls and shoots Tony a look. "He's not and you know it. He's just not himself right now."

When Steve is stressed, he really doesn't have time for Tony's attitude. He appreciates his help but the rest of it is just a headache. He doesn't have time to decipher what the man really means by things.

Steve winces slightly when he sees the other man dripping everywhere and grabs the towels he'd meant to take to him already. He extends one and carefully says, "Here, dry yourself off. I'm sorry if he surprised you."

[whothehellisbucky]

Fun fact about Tony Stark? He doesn't care if Steve gets pissed off. He knows the Captain will come around eventually. They all do.

Though it's been years since Bucky lost an arm, the area where skin and metal meet still looks tender, as if he'd been refitted with a new limb not so long ago. Considering all of the Stark tech Hydra had their hands on, that was probably to be expected.

The towel offered to him is looked at for a moment before he takes it and dries himself off, two foot-shaped puddles in the carpet left behind as he looks back towards the doorway.

"Nothing startles me." He'd known Tony was there. It's why he'd left the shower in the first place.

[starspangledspandex]

No, Steve does't really expect him to care if he gets mad. He hasn't before so he doesn't see the why it would change now. They get in enough disagreements he knows how Tony operates.

He glances over Bucky quickly, looking for injuries, and not seeing any that haven't been attended to already. At least Hydra had wanted him to be in good shape, even it had just been to keep him as a weapon, at least they cared enough to keep him healthy though mentally is obviously questionable.

"Right," Steve responds after the man takes his towel and he shifts pass him clothes. "Here, these should fit. We'll go shopping and get you something that sits you properly."

[whothehellisbucky]

The towel is dropped once more and the clothing is accepted without being inspected. Bucky doesn't have a fashion sense. It's never bothered him. He wears what he is told to. It usually has a reason, a purpose. These seem to be useful only for covering himself.

He doesn't even say anything about the star logo. That's not Steve's fault. It just can't be helped when so many athletic wear companies use stars in their designs.

The shirt fits him pretty well. Better than it does Steve, who stretches it out. Bucky's been treated to Hydra's own super soldier program but Steve is one of a kind, even if his old friend is faster, has incredible stamina, and can heal fairly quickly himself.

"Will we go now?"

[starspangledspandex]

Steve keeps his eyes to himself while Bucky dresses. Things are different now than they had been before. He doesn't want to take any liberties. He can't do anything he doesn't want the other man to think is okay.

He needs to try to foster some kind of independent thinking here. Steve's intention is to help him not just turn him into his own puppet. He wants to live his life again.

"Do you want to go now?" he asked.

[whothehellisbucky]

It's back to the blank face. Honestly, Bucky is just confused. He'd been given autonomy before in his missions...so long as he got things done, promptly, he was more or less given free reign on how he did it. Of course, there were usually safety procedures that Hydra put into place and often, he'd had small forces of men to back him up. When that happened, his missions were more or less programmed into him.

He was most like JARVIS than he was a person. Save that JARVIS was more like a person than he himself was.

Brushing his hand over the soft fabric of the t-shirt, Bucky looks up at Steve with a frown. "I...want to see more videos. More than were in the museum."

[starspangledspandex]

He waits patiently for an answer and he won't do anything until he has one. Steve honestly doesn't care when it gets done so long as it does and he will go along with whatever choice the man wants to go with. If he changes his mind in ten minutes, he'll go along with that too, because Bucky is free now.

Steve straightens slightly at the request and then nods, "Alright, we can do that. I only have a few on my computer and on disc but JARVIS should have access to the archive."

[whothehellisbucky]

There's a bowl of popcorn and a bottle of soda with some glasses and ice in the TV room. Whatever is asked of JARVIS rarely gets passed Tony (unless he's actively involved in ignoring him -- as usual). The couch is comfortable with plenty of room and Bucky waits for Steve to tell him to sit before he makes himself comfortable on the edge of one of the sections of soft leather, knees bent and back straight.

So much for comfortable.

He gazes expectantly at the blank screen before the blond tells JARVIS to start the feed he did indeed have records of. Bucky won't talk through them. He's too busy studying this person he use to be.

[starspangledspandex]

"You can sit back against the cushions," he adds as he relaxes on the couch. He watches Bucky more than the films. He's seen them all several times. He waits until the end of one to offer the bowl.

"Popcorn? Soda?" he asks the other man when he asks JARVIS to pause in his play-through. Steve is avoiding asking the question he really wants to know which is whether any of this is familiar.

[whothehellisbucky]

He doesn't want to sit back. He wants to see, to experience, and though his eyes are perfectly capable of seeing and experiencing from half a foot further back, he doesn't want to. He gives Steve a defiant look, and stays where he is.

The films play, one after the other. First it's the propoganda war films, the sorts that they showed in the cinemas at home. Next...the extra footage. There is just so many of him and Steve laughing...

And that woman.

Bucky stands up. "Is she dead too?"

[starspangledspandex]

It's fine by him that Bucky doesn't scoot back. It's his choice and that's what is most important. It makes Steve a little sad to see the other man laughing with him. Things are so different now. He's missed Bucky so much. He's just a ghost of what he used to be now.

Steve is quiet for a moment before he says, "No, but she's old now. Old like we're supposed to be." He rubs a hand at his face, "She... has a disease that deteriorates a person's memory."

[whothehellisbucky]

"Good." Cruel. Bucky realizes that almost immediately. Steve had cared for her. He knows this in his bones, not just because he sees it in the films, but because he remembers. He remembers disliking her, though she'd been very likable. Pretty. Smart. Deadly.

He looks away before he can see the expression on Steve's face and changes the subject.

"There's no such thing as fate. We are who we are. Not because something had a plan for us."

[starspangledspandex]

His expression falls slightly at the comment. He knows, at least a little, that Bucky hadn't liked her but that's not a disease he'd wish on his worst enemy. He's pretty sure his old friend wouldn't have said that about her if he'd been himself.

"No, but people grow old," he responds with a frown. "People don't get frozen and wake up a century later. That's not what people expect from life."

[whothehellisbucky]

Bucky had been just a little luckier than Steve. Being woken up from time to time and reprogrammed with the technology of the day, Bucky didn't have and still doesn't have the culture shock that Steve still struggles with. It may be the only boon left to the poor man. He's quiet for some time and sits down.

"Have it played again."

Bucky will watch these videos for as long as Steve will allow it. Over and over, yes, but focused primarily on the ones he and Steve are in together. From time to time there are even tears in his blue eyes.

[starspangledspandex]

"You can ask for specific ones yourself, you know," Steve tells him after watching everything through again. He thinks tears are good things but he can't be sure. The only way to find out is to ask.

"Are they helping?"

[whothehellisbucky]

Why can't he actually remember any of this? It's his face. It's his smiles. This is like watching a twin in a film. Save for a few moments of memory. There's no connection between the memories, however. Nothing makes sense.

The glass of the coffee table is the first casualty of this frustration. He slams his cybernetic arm right through it before he stalks out of the room and back to his bunk.

[starspangledspandex]

He'll take that outburst as a no. He watches Bucky walk off with a small concerned glance and decides to give him a few moments.

"Jarvis, keep an eye on him alright? And tell Tony we need a new table."

Steve moves to pick up the glass that's now all over the place. Sure, Tony could send someone up to do it but it's a little therapeutic and it gives him an excuse not to hover over Bucky.

[whothehellisbucky]

Broken. He's so broken. Broken and alone. His new handled isn't a handler at all and no one will tell him what to do other than to remember. Remember... But only some of it. None of the nightmare, only the good. Forget the electroshock therapy, forget the missions. Remember the time he'd been happy. Remember how he'd been friends with Steve Rogers.

Little Steve Rogers. Scourge of Brooklyn with a trashcan lid.

Bucky grabs his head. There will be some dents in the walls to go with the table soon until he evens out.

[starspangledspandex]

Steve knows logically that you can't get one without the other. The bad always comes with the good. There's no avoiding it. Friends just have to help you rise above the bad. Bucky can be happy again. It's not going to be an easy road but it's one Steve is going to be there for.

He hears the banging that sounds suspiciously like a fist hitting the wall but he doesn't go look. Let him work it out. They're high enough up that he can't go anywhere and JARVIS would know if he had anyway.

He just wants Bucky to figure out who he is again without the training, without Hydra and that's all.

[whothehellisbucky]

Steve's a whole lot more patient than Tony is. Once again, he finds a way to brush by Steve, this time in the kitchen. He and Bucky had been watching movies for hours and now-- Now it's late. Late and his perimeter alarms are going off.

He got blown up in his home not too long ago, Steven. Tony is a little...beside himself, all right? This tower is his baby. His second baby. The first baby he destroyed. And that hurt, okay?

"Each punch is about 10k worth of damage."

[starspangledspandex]

He's patient because he'd been there after Bucky had been tortured the first time. He knows what his friend is really like, what he's capable of and that, without a doubt, Bucky is still in there somewhere. It's not going to be exactly the same but he needs to know where he'd come from before he can figure out who he's going to be.

"So send me a bill," he responded. He quietly didn't ask where Fury was getting the money to keep paying him but SHIELD was getting back on its feet so there was a backer somewhere. The last thing he was worried about was a few holes in the wall anyway. It was rough on him to see these videos of them and know that Bucky didn't remember hardly any of it. "Or I'll get some drywall spackle and fix it myself."

[starkingenuity]

"Now that I might pay you for!" He doesn't mean to flirt so openly but Steve is probably the straightest guy he knows and he never gives in. It makes Tony need to do it, if only out of curiosity for the outcome.

The look on the blond's face, however, was almost devastating. Tony didn't quite draw back, but he couldn't keep from frowning.

"What can I do to help? In case you've forgotten, I'm pretty well off and important." Please Steve. Let him help

[starspangledspandex]

"I don't need paid for it," he raises an eyebrow at the comment and he's a little confused about why but he can tell the tone is flirtatious. Steve, actually, does not restrict himself one way or another but Tony wouldn't know that because he hasn't actually asked.

Steve shakes his head and throws up one hand, "I don't know. I don't even know if I'm helping."

[starkingenuity]

"Do you think you are?" If one person should trust their instincts, it's Steve Rogers. Tony would bet his entire fortune on it. Tony leans against the door and keeps his arms crossed. His eyes trail from the blond to the sound of the muffled, growling sobs coming from the other room. "Is it more than just what you're hoping for?"

They could take to Bruce. There had to be some therapy regimen for this that doesn't include beating down his tower.

[starspangledspandex]

He thinks about the question for a moment, "I think so? It's hard to tell. He doesn't say much unless I encourage him but I still think he's keeping a lot to himself."

Steve gives the other room a sad look. "I just want him to remember so he knows that Hydra hasn't been his whole life. That there are other things, better things to do with himself than the next mission. It's no way to live."

His shoulders slump, "I hope that still includes me but if he can't... I understand. I just want him to realize he's more than a weapon and be able to make decisions himself."