Who the Hell is Bucky?

[starkingenuity]

"So you cut your hair, destroyed SHIELD, get Fury killed and now you want to team up again?"  Tony turned in his swivel chair three quarters to the left and two to the right like some evil super villain while Bruce Banner rolled his eyes behind him.  Wisely, he stayed quiet.  Being Tony's 'other half' and his 'soul mate' and worse, his therapist, was enough to give him a good enough idea of what staying quiet tended to do for him.

Chiefly?  He didn't get pulled into these sorts of conversations.

"And did you like grow another three inches around your biceps?  It's people like you that make it harder for ordinary guys to get dates on Friday night."

Comments

[whothehellisbucky]

He'd been better than this. He'd been better at understanding the environment and keeping a watch on it. He'd been better at knowing who was around him, what they wanted, and how to get away from them or closer to them as needed. This-- He shouldn't have let Steve get so close, but he'd spent hours, days looking at the exhibit of the 107th and his mind was stuck in a loop of half remembered truths and fantasies.

What he remembered was slim to none and yet he couldn't shake wanting to remember. He was grasping at straws here.

Steve's voice brought him around and he turned, eyes lifting, before he dashed off across the street, right through traffic. He had very little consideration of himself at the best of times.

This was not one of those.

[starspangledspandex]

"Dammit," he curses, debating with himself for a moment--give chase or track him again?

Steve sprints after him and hopes that his moment of hesitation isn't enough for Bucky to get lost in the crowd. He can't know if the man is out on his own or if he has handlers waiting for him. He can't know whether the man will go underground just because Steve's seen him.

So foot pursuit it is and Steve will have to apologize to the people who now have Captain America dents in their hood at some point. Right now, his concern is entirely focused on a ghost. "Bucky!"

wow. I thought I responded ><

[whothehellisbucky]

Bucky. He doesn't know Bucky. He's not Bucky. He can't be. The shit his former mission says has no bearing on who he is. It doesn't!

Technology and experimentation have made the Winter Soldier strong and fast. They have striped him of his morality. When he smashes something, he doesn't think of apologies. He just wants out. He wants to be away.

But for all of what he is, Steve Rogers is more It takes little time for him to be cornered.

It's okay bb!

[starspangledspandex]

Steve apologizes as he runs by people for the both of them but he doesn't stop to help. He can't lose sight of the other man. If he loses him now, it could be months before he finds him again and he might not be the first one that does.

This isn't an area he knows well but it seems like Bucky doesn't either and that means that he hasn't been here long or he's having memory issues, though he still suspects the latter.

He rounds the corner and is relieved to find that he has the man cornered but he's wary. Bucky could get desperate. "I just want to talk," he tells him, doubting that's going to be reassuring in the slightest.

Re: It's okay bb!

[whothehellisbucky]

Bucky already is desperate. He looks at Steve, looks at the walls and the wall material. He doesn't have any weapons but that's usually not a problem. The problem is the blond himself, just as it had been.

"I let you live," Bucky intones. "What more could you possibly day? I'm not the person you think I am."

He's not anyone, Steve. Not anymore. That's the whole damned point.

[starspangledspandex]

"If you're not him, then who are you?" Steve asks, tilting his head as he watches the other man. He knows that this is Bucky whether the man remembers him or not and he's not going to just walk away when his friend is out here in the world starving. Or worse, a target for what is left of Hydra.

If their positions had been reversed, Bucky would have done the same thing. He knows it.

[whothehellisbucky]

At the question, he falls silent, pulling off the baseball cap because it means nothing to him now. His face isn't well known. The only person out looking for him, he's sure, is the man standing in front of him.

So familiar. Someone that knows who he is...who he really is. He's been frozen and unfrozen so often that he'd never had the time to catch up at all with the ways of the world.

Somethings never changed and those were the only things he relied on.

"I...don't know."

[starspangledspandex]

He just watches the other man for a moment and tries to figure out what to say. He's imagined it plenty but when faced with the real thing it all just goes out the window. He doesn't want to scare him into doing something stupid.

"I do," he says quietly and he wets his lips, considering. "Have lunch with me at least. Maybe I can help you remember."

[whothehellisbucky]

With a metabolism as high as Steve's, Bucky already knows he can't exactly go without food for long periods of time, not even if he'd like to in order to spite the blond. He could feel his guard lowering already and that was a frightening prospect. Moreso because he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt fear.

Something clicks behind his eyes and Bucky flattens himself against the dumpster.

"No! No! I don't--" He could feel himself falling and it made his teeth grit so he launched himself at Steve, almost as if he wanted to strangle him again, but his glove covered hands just fisted in his shirt. "Why can't you leave me alone?"

[starspangledspandex]

He jerks a little in surprise when Bucky leaps at him. It's something he had expected to him but he hadn't been as prepared for it as he'd thought. He's thankful that it's just his shirt and his hands come up, but only to be there just in case. He doesn't actually put hands on the other man.

"Because you're my friend," he responds, like it really is that simple, because for Steve it's the most important thing.

[whothehellisbucky]

'Friend' is as foreign a concept as any he's ever heard of, but he's as desperate to know as he is to never know. Remembering is going to be nothing if not solely and unconditionally cruel, but he needs it just the same.

Bucky lets Steve go with a decidedly mechanical action, his jaw set and his eyes lost. He looks over Steve for a moment and steps back because looking up at him feels intensely disorienting.

"Fine. Lunch."

[starspangledspandex]

He's relieved when he's let go because that means at least Bucky is thinking about it and he's not going to punch him. That smarts just a little.

He nods, he knows how hard it must be for him to trust Steve, "Thank you." He hesitates and then turns partway. "There's a pizza place down the block. Is that alright?"

[whothehellisbucky]

This look, Steve? It's the 'I don't give a fuck but is it too crowded?' look that shell shocked people during the war use to give.

Bucky swallowed and nodded. 'Whatever' was the attitude but he moved with a notable deference to his own strength and agility. He moved like a man who had never had the need to pace himself. It was difficult trying to blend in.

He did not talk at all. Silence was the way to go. Perhaps that was lucky. When there was too much to say, the arena for it was important.

[starspangledspandex]

He mentions the pizza place because he knows it's not crowded and it's a place that's still around from their childhood. If Bucky notices, fine. If not, it doesn't matter. Steve isn't going to throw the fact that he can't remember in his face if he can help it.

Steve doesn't talk either because Bucky doesn't but he keeps his pace with him. He pulls the door open when they get there and glances at Bucky to go in first. "After you."

[whothehellisbucky]

There are mirrors on the backwall, giving him a view of the blond. There's no way that Steve can get a jump on him--

No. Steve isn't the mission any more. There's no need to treat him like one. Bucky bristles at himself, his mind at war with itself. Everything aches as he sits, back to the corner, eyes constantly darting around the room as if he's nervous.

The truth is, he's never operated outside of a set of parameters before. It's leaving him restless. He turns to Steve, momentarily seeking guidance from him.

He doesn't recognize the pizza shop. That is likely for the best. "Talk."

[starspangledspandex]

He is still poised and ready if Bucky makes some kind of move. Steve doesn't think that he will. If he's followed him this far, there's no reason for him to suddenly change his mind. He hopes.

Steve pauses only long enough to put in an order for water and two pizzas--one pepperoni, one supreme--then joins Bucky in the corner booth. He blinks at the abruptness and honestly, he's not sure what to say.

He starts with a rehash of what he had told him before, when the world was exploding around them, "You're James Buchanan Barnes. We grew up together in Brooklyn. I'd know your face anywhere. I thought you died; I was shocked to see you again."

[whothehellisbucky]

The name's familiar. He'd seen it carved into the display, he'd seen it written on a screen of old footage where he and Steve were going over strategy. Presumed missing, the file on him said.

Presumed missing for decades. How could that have been possible? The cryostatis was not something they filled him in on between wipes, after all.

He was absolutely need-to-know only.

"Why aren't you dead..?"

[starspangledspandex]

Questions are good as near as Steve can figure. He knows they aren't going to be fun questions but that's alright. He'll answer anything the man wants to know. It's the least he can do after leaving him in the cold to be found by Hydra.

"I went after Hydra's leader, the Red Skull," Steve explains. "And ended up crashing his ship into the arctic ocean. I was frozen. SHIELD..." Can he call it SHIELD now? "Found me and thawed me out."

[whothehellisbucky]

Very, very little of what is coming out of Steve's mouth makes sense and so Bucky says nothing in return. He stares out through the window for awhile. Nothing seems familiar, but nothing seems out of place either. He's not programmed to question.

Just to do.

And without that, he can't figure out what it is he's suppose to do. Opening his mouth a moment later, he watches a waitress slide over to them with tall plastic cups and sets them down with a smile. "Pies will be out in about ten minutes, boys," she promises and leaves again. Bucky watches her go.

"Do you have a mission for me?" His wires keep getting crossed. It's something Bruce Banner would be able to explain better. And it will sort itself out...for better or worse.

[starspangledspandex]

He doesn't say anything for awhile either. He just watches Bucky across from him. He knows this is a lot of information to process. Steve doesn't know what to do. He just hadn't been able to abandon Bucky to the streets somewhere.

"Thank you, Ma'am," Steve responds politely to the waitress as he slides their drinks more in front of them.

Steve shifts uncomfortably in his seat and takes a deep breath. There's a lot of answers he could give but he sticks with honesty. "...no, there aren't any more. I took out most of the men that did this to you."

[whothehellisbucky]

To him. For him. His heart is in his throat when he looks at Steve. Blue eyes that are a cloudy shade of familiarity and he wants to reach across to take ahold of his ears and smash his face in.

That's not a good way to carry further with this conversation.

"What do you expect me to do then?" No more missions, no more wipes, no more orders. A good weapon gone useless will rust.

[starspangledspandex]

He frowns slightly as he looks at the other man. Steve feels uncomfortable telling him what to do. He can't give him orders. He can provide him options though and hope that will be enough.

"Figure out who you are," he says finally. "I'll help you. Once you do, you can help us take down what's left of Hydra."

[whothehellisbucky]

"It doesn't matter who I am!" Indoor voices, Bucky. The man had hellfire in his eyes and he eased back with a tactful disregard and looked about ready to spit bullets. "If you have a target for me, fine." That he can deal with. Steve might as well work within his old friend's comfort zone while he can.

He wants there to be more words to fill the space ten minutes affords them. He wants to eat and then he wants to leave--

But to where? Another night in a park?

[starspangledspandex]

People cast glances their direction and okay, maybe one or two them might be his backup but he has no intention to use them. It had been Fury's insistence. They hadn't known how stable the other man might be.

"It matters," Steve replies quietly. "It matters because if you don't know, you're just a weapon. If you don't know, you can't decide for yourself if the person wielding you is who you want to listen to."

He swallows, "And it matters to me. Hydra took so much from you. I can't make the rest of it disappear but I can help give back what you lost."

Steve rubs a hand across his forehead and decides to play a little dirty. He'll have to move into the Tower properly for awhile but that's alright. "If you work with us, you stay with us. You're free to come and go, but you bunk with us. We'll have a new target soon."

[whothehellisbucky]

"I'll work with you." It was just easier to find someone new to tell him what to do for now. Steve didn't feel safe or even quite right but it was better than being left alone.

He'd never actually been alone that he could recall. And recalling tended to fry his brain to nothing so he didn't want to think about it. Silence fell on them again but the pizzas were out a moment later and without waiting to be told he could have anything, not caring about the molten cheese capable of being stuck to the roof of his mouth, Bucky grabbed a slice and just shoved it in.

He had been so hungry. He'd forgotten what that felt like...to care about being hungry.