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[starkingenuity]

[Tony volunteers for the worst sort of body take over ever: here.]

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[starkingenuity]

A drink? Tony’s a little surprised that this has shaken Banner up so badly. Given his history with an abusive and homicidal drunk of a father, for the guy to want to touch booze, he’s got to be in a bad way. He can’t really say anything though. Robert Banner and all of Bruce’s childhood records are sealed under Ross’ directive but Tony had needed to have access to everything when he was building the equipment that kept Banner on the radar for SHIELD... even if they never bothered to tell Banner about that.

And now Tony’s keeping way too many secrets from Bruce. First about the tracking system. And the fact that he knows his dad killed his mom and forced Bruce to lie. And that Ross was involved in the whole Accords thing. And the patent he’s got on the serum that’s in both Bruce’s and Steve’s blood, essentially causing him to own them both....

It’s a little much. All of this is a little much.

“It’s a date. Let me see if D-RAY can come back. We’ll throw out the third wheel and we’ll get that drink.” Luckily, the drone ends up being capable of travel back from Sakaar. It will be bad for Tony’s curiosity in the future however.

[hulkbusted]

He'd let Nat buy him a drink a couple of weeks or a couple of years ago depending on how he wants to count the time; he'd let Tony buy him one today. A drink. One. That's the difference between Bruce and his father.

His fear that it's the only, least significant difference is why he'll never have children, no matter how much he'd love to. He won't inflict his damaged genes or his damaged psyche on an innocent.

While they wait for the drone to make it back, Bruce manages to get himself back on his feet and turn his mind to the task of rigging up a harness that can be remotely released. He's grateful for having somewhere to focus his thoughts while he puts himself back together in the background.

"I think I know where you can drop her," he says while testing the remote control for the latch on the parachute harness he's butchering.

He taps the vessel with his screwdriver. "Just do a better job of picking a female body, and fake being sick for a while until you've learned your way around. You sucked at being Tony."

[starkingenuity]

“No one can be me,” Tony grins, though he doesn’t feel like grinning at all. He climbs to his feet (its harder than it was two years ago) and stumbles for a moment after Banner before they work together on the release harness.

This is nice. Tony doesn’t say it but he’s sure his eyes radiate it as they strap Kiara to the drone and Tony hits the hatch again.

“Breakups are hard. Wanna do the honors?”

[hulkbusted]

"You can say that again." Some days Tony can barely be Tony.

He's taking care with Kiara's vessel and he isn't even sure why. She's a parasite, but she isn't a malicious parasite. She just wants what any sentient wants. It's on his mind as he carries the drone and vessel over near the open hatch and sets them down.

"Yeah, thanks." He takes the controller and sits down on the deck next to the tablet he'd dropped, using the tablet for guidance, since he lacks Tony's gizmos that would obviate the need.

His control of the drone isn't as smooth as Tony's at first; the drone wavers and strains to lift itself and the vessel before it lifts off the deck and lumbers out the back of the quinjet and into the air where it bobs and shifts before abruptly lifting and zipping toward the wormhole.

It isn't a straight shot, but Bruce watches the screen, guiding the drone through the wormhole and back out over Sakaar's trashed landscape.

Kiara's a parasite, so he's going to drop her in the middle of Parasite Central: the Grandmaster's court.

[starkingenuity]

Tony takes a hovering approach, not to give Bruce any pointers or anything, but because he likes to watch him tackle something they had both been working on. It’s important to him in a way he can’t make himself articulate. It sounds ridiculous even in his own mind.

By the time that the vessel containing Kiara is lowered to the floor, what’s left of the grand court is curious and confused by it. They’re used to drones, used to incredible technology, but something like this, brought in as if a gift, is odd.

They squabble at it for awhile, making Tony cast his bet on a feisty looking green woman who does, eventually, that the prize. She twitches for a moment and drops the vessel, making Tony wince.

“No going back now,” he says, not feeling at all bad that’s he ended someone’s life to be host for an alien. He ought to be a better man by now, but he just isn’t.

[hulkbusted]

There aren't that many people who can hover without Bruce finding it stifling or invasive. He's never found Tony stifling. If anything, it's the opposite. They do damn fine work together when they aren't nearly destroying the Earth.

And now it's another round of Bruce Banner and Tony Stark walk a moral tightrope and end up dangling over the Grand Canyon. He knows he's just pulled the trigger that ended that alien woman's life, and he makes himself watch until the woman raises her eyes and smiles directly at the drone.

"Do better with that body," he murmurs and guides the drone out of the vaulting chamber before someone decides to try to catch the strange drone and determine its origin. He's pretty sure what he just did could cause an interplanetary incident if it ever gets tracked back to Earth and the Avengers.

Getting the drone back is easy enough. Rather than steering manually, once it's out of the building, he taps in commands on the tablet to tell it to retrace its path and return to the quinjet on its own.

Then he pushes himself up with a soft grunt and hands Tony the tablet. "Those people fed off the lives of everyone who died in that arena. I don't know if I should feel sorry, but I don't."

[starkingenuity]

There’s so many questions to ask and so many moments there to unpack, but Tony doesn’t do any of those things. He just shrugs, as if he hadn’t had a hand in any of that and was just watching a movie. He catches the little drone that speeds towards him at the end of the ramp on the hovering quinjet and lightly pats it to make sure it’s all right.

He is careful with it, tucking it under one arm, and carefully hits the button to close the ramp again.

“FRIDAY, set up the Wonder Woman area. Let’s keep this place invisible for awhile.” The AI complies to Tony’s command and a series of floating balls projecting the area around their linking circle create a curtain to keep anyone else away. He stashes the drone and then drapes an arm around Bruce, still holding the pad. “So where in the world doesn’t have some sort of trauma associated with it where we can go to grab that drink?”

[hulkbusted]

Bruce smiles watching Tony with the drone. Tony will never need a dog or a kid as long as he can keep building.

He's curious what the Wonder Woman area is, but guessing, he moves up into the nose of the jet to look out the window in time to see the last of the balls deploy and make the wormhole effectively disappear. "Good thinking."

He take the pad from Tony and holds it where they can both look at it while he pulls up first a map of the world, and then starts zooming in. "I don't think Hulk's caused any mass destruction in Australia, so that's probably our best bet."

He stops the zoom with Cairns, on the northeastern coast. "I think it's the only continent other than Antarctica where I can say that."

And if he focuses on the practicalities, he can ignore what Tony's question says about how much he understands just that moment.

[starkingenuity]

It only takes a few hours for two very different men, who probably understood the other better than either had any right to, to land in a small town in Australia, be seated at a bar and be delivered their first drinks.

Tony fits in anywhere but Banner looks out of place, as always, a guy trying to blend into the background a little too hard. Neither are recognized, which each likes for different reasons and Tony manages not to flirt with the waitress as she brings him back a pint of lager with too much head. He sucks up the foam and orders a burger, all without cracking a stereotypically American joke about it being made from kangaroo.

He lightly tinks his glass on Banner’s when he gets to the actual beer portion of the drink and smiles. “To first dates.”

[hulkbusted]

At this point, Bruce couldn't even say when he last slept. Which time zone counts? Norway's probably. He dozes a little during their flight time and spends more time pretending to be dozing while he collects his thoughts and slaps some duct tape on his psyche. He's grateful to Tony for letting him when he could have just bulldozed on through to get Bruce to talk to him, to answer questions, to pay attention to him.

He put in his own order for a veggie burger and picked his own beer to tap his glass against Tony's. He was going to just enjoy himself for a little while before the real world had to intrude, even laughing ruefully at the toast. "To rethinking our breakup."

He'd asked Natasha where in the world he wasn't a danger, but he'd recently had to rethink that and recognize that there seemed to be nowhere in the universe that he wasn't a danger. He might as well be a danger at home where he might do some good to balance it.

[starkingenuity]

“Woah, hey, we never broke up,” Tony says a little loudly. “Just because you denied alien infused Tony doesn’t mean that you’ve ever denied the real one.” It’s a little suggestive. Tony has no particular issue with that and if Bruce did, he probably shouldn’t speak up. It will make the flirting worse. Much, much worse. “Unless I really was the reason you left. I get it. We made something that was supposed to be perfect and beautiful together and then it died. Most couples can’t survive that.”

Yes. Yes, Tony is sad about Ultron. Ultron killed JARVIS, but he was his baby. He was Banner’s too. It was the first time he had collaborated so fully and completely on a project with anyone in his life. He’d taken a chance on that.

Tony sets his chin in his palm. “I really would do anything to get you back.” Like patenting the serum that made him who he was?

Okay. See that’s just complicated and weird. Even Tony knows that.

[hulkbusted]

The real one has been in a committed relationship for as long as Bruce has known him. Had been. It feels much more abrupt for Bruce than it probably does for Tony at this point. To be fair, all of the world's changes feel abrupt right now. It'll get bett--

Well, at least it'll change.

"We made something that was supposed to be perfect and beautiful and the whole world nearly died." It doesn't fit the lighter tone he's been hoping for, but he had to lie for years while he was on the run, and the truth is still valuable to him. "Would you do it again if you could? Change some of the parameters, have different security protocols?"

Messed up as it is, Bruce thinks he just might. "Peace in our time" is a siren's song to a man who hasn't really known peace in his life.

He'd know even less peace if he knew that Tony owned the patent to that serum.

[starkingenuity]

Yeah he would. The point of holding that patent however is because his dad owned it originally. The serum and the tools that had gone into making Steve who he is had been patented so no one else could try to recreate it. Ha. Like that stopped people! Like it stops them today. His dad had some good intentions though but it means that, by proxy, Tony now owns Steve Rogers. And he owns Bruce too.

The latter his more important to him. It means that Ross and the Army and the World Council or whoever can’t get their talons into Bruce. He’s his own person.

And Tony’s person.

But that’s not even remotely important.

“I would. Yeah. Maybe I’d like more people in on it this time because I can’t be trust and neither can you. I don’t listen to you. Not the way I should. I get too excited and that’s it. Explosion. End of story.”

[hulkbusted]

General Ross had thought he owned Bruce, too. He almost certainly still does. As long as no one tries to put a collar on him, there can be fewer high value insurance claims.

He shakes his head, laughing ruefully at Tony's simple assertion that they can't be trusted. No shit. "We both do that. You just do it with more fanfare."

When you drink as infrequently as Bruce, even half a beer is enough for a little warm glow, just enough to remind him that he's not just jetlagged, but worldlagged.

"We're mad scientists, right?" He takes a long pull on his beer and sets it aside to wait until his burger arrives. "What's going to happen to me when word gets out that I'm back, Tony?"

[starkingenuity]

“Nothing. I don’t know. Interview requests maybe. Right now the world’s focused on the Asgardians colonizing Earth. Politicians are having a field day on that. No one really knows you and the other guy are like besties. I know there was that data dump awhile back but we’re all just people and people forget. Everything.”

And Tony’s run some algorithms to keep as much of the public in the dark about Bruce Banner anyway. As it should be.

Bruce is a good guy. He deserves better. So much better.

“So don’t worry. You’ll stay with me. Wherever. And that will be that. If Cap calls you, hang up immediately.”

[hulkbusted]

"I don't blame the world's governments for worrying about the Asgardians. Not all of them are like Thor and Loki, but they're going to throw a monkey wrench in the works when it comes to this whole regulating enhanced humans thing. For one, they aren't human, and for another, what does enhanced even mean if strength and longevity are a species norm?"

It's going to piss off a lot of "mere humans."

"I'm not hanging up on Steve if he calls me." He's going to make sure that line gets drawn right now. He's been a fugitive and he's not leaving a friend out in the cold if he can do anything about it. "You should know better than to even ask."

[starkingenuity]

“I should but I don’t. And I’m not about to let you switch sides.” Because yeah. That’s a thing. Avengers picking sides. “You were my friend first. And he was always worried about you being yourself so... no. I get you. He can have Thor.”

In hind sight, that’s poor planning. Thor is a king now. And he comes with a whole kingdom behind him.

And he’s already got T’Chslla to switch sides!

Tony is losing day by day and it makes him pout.

[hulkbusted]

Bruce sets his beer down and frowns at Tony across the table. Now would be a good time to take off his glasses and clean them while he collects his thoughts; too bad he has no idea where anything of his, including his spares, could be found.

So he just sits and fixes Tony with a look that says, I'm not mad, I'm disappointed. "You're both my friends, and I believe that if Steve's doing something, he's doing it because he believes in his star-spangled heart that what he's doing is right."

He shrugs a little and shakes his head. "He has a better track record on that than either of us. Right now I want to be Switzerland; don't force my hand about taking sides."

Because his best option there is getting off the planet.

[starkingenuity]

And now it’s Tony’s turn to look disappointed, not exactly at Bruce so much as about the whole situation. He wants to be a one and only. Eventually someone will choose him and only him. Not him and a company. Or him and coffee orders. Or him but really Steve because he’s just the better guy.

He finishes his beer in two big gulps and plays off his hurt as nonchalance, a tune he’s danced to many times.

“There’s nothing left to choose, so you’re in luck. He was wrong. He caused two billion dollars of damage at an airport. And that’s where we are now.”

[hulkbusted]

Not five minutes earlier Tony was saying how neither of them could be trusted. He's right. Their actions today should show that. Bruce isn't sorry he dumped Kiara in the middle of the Grandmaster's court, but he also knows that it was a risky choice, and he and Tony just fed off of each other to go ahead and do it anyway.

He knows Tony too well to believe the nonchalance and it stings to know he's hurt him.

"Tony..." This people thing is way too hard. He sighs and lightly kicks Tony under the table, more a nudge than a kick. "Stop. It isn't about you versus Steve. I have to take my own side in this because if I ever end up having to fight one of my friends, if I come back from it, I might come back to finding I killed someone I care about. I can't live with that, but I won't have any other choice than to live with it."

[starkingenuity]

“You fought me and I lived just fine!” Okay, a building and ten people did not fare as well but Tony is a selfish, horrible man and selfish and horrible men happen not to care a smidge for other people.

Which honestly isn’t true. Tony does care. He cares a great deal about the hardships he caused and the people he hurt. That’s what makes him the man he is today. His pain and his suffering is... deserved. The people he had a hand in hurting now total into the millions.

Not even Bruce can say that.

“How about we just say that you can be Switzerland and change the topic to something fun and festive. Like... do you still remember how to play Call of Duty?”

[hulkbusted]

That was before Hulk got a two-year workout and topped it off by taking on a mythical monster hand-to-hand. He hears it was impressive; he's mostly just hoping dogs won't give him flashbacks now.

Tony is selfish and horrible except when he isn't, which is more often than he gives himself credit for. Bruce gives him credit. Quietly.

He nods, relieved to let that go now that the point's been made. "That's the one where you collect a bunch of weird little monsters in a ball?"

As if he'd have forgotten even if he'd been aware of the past two years passing.

[starkingenuity]

“How do you get—. What—“ Tony groans and lets his arms dangle down to his side. “No. No it’s that first person shooter where we snipe and then teabag ten year olds from China.” He’s lying. The ten year olds from China usually do the teabagging.

Tony has excellent hand-eye coordination but he can’t beat the twitch game of children. He once tried to get Rogers to play with him before this mess but he was pretty sure Black Ops gave the guy flashbacks so he stuck to Portal co-op mode.

The strategic mind on Steve Rogers is scary.

“When did we ever play Pokemon? Was I ever that drunk around you? Did we make out after?”

[hulkbusted]

While Tony sputters, Bruce's small smile spreads into a smirk and from there to something close to a grin.

"If you can't remember my sweet loving, you don't deserve it." He beams up at the server who sets Tony's burger in front of him and then lays a plate in front of Bruce.

Are things settled? Of course not, but they'e going with their strengths for now, and that means they can both pretend things are normal while the world goes to shit.

"Give it time and you'll start to remember that it's been less than a week since Ultron for me. I remember Call of Duty and that the reflexes of ten-year-olds are scary as hell."

[starkingenuity]

Banner got him. He’s been gone for two years and in that time, so much has happened to Tony that he’s completely let his guard down on just how much of a wonderful shit Banner is. He watches the other man with his eyes wide as the server puts down his burger— He doesn’t even see her. It’s only his nose that tells him there’s food in front of him, but he can’t help but ignore it too.

His befuddlement erupts into the biggest of smiles and he shakes his head and sits forward.

“Or I’ll just tank up on a lot of scotch and have FRIDAY record so I remember it. Or at least have some eye candy for later.”