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[starkingenuity]

[Tony volunteers for the worst sort of body take over ever: here.]

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[starkingenuity]

“Possession is nine-tenths,” Tony says, mostly because he’s inclined not to mention that when he likes something, he buys multiples (he has a pair of those pants in his bug out bag in every quinjet just in case and two more in his closet) and that even he has trouble opening something with one hand. He pops the top off of the medication with his thumb, takes far too many by shaking it directly into his mouth and uses his other hand to wash it down with the water he’s been given.

Getting down from the table, however? That’s still not a top priority right now. He’ll be a pile of Tony, likely melted on the floor, and if Bruce was so worried about explosions, then he’d like the melted version not much better.

His eyes are still a little strange, his pupils too blown, but that’s also likely due to the whole near-liquification he just narrowly avoided. He’ll be fine in a few minutes. Promise.

“But I would have been disappointed to miss out because I was napping.” His smile? Well that’s all Tony. He can be on his deathbed and still smile like that. It’s a gift and a talent. “I’m also never visiting her planet. All the women are hairy? Did she think you were a lady too or did you leave your shirt on?”

[hulkbusted]

"Then they're my pants now." God help his bits.

Now that he's quite certain that this is Tony, because no one but Tony would talk like that, he leaves him to work on recuperating while Bruce wheels over the cart with Kiara's vessel on it.

"Tony, this is Kiara." He frowns a little down at the vessel. "I hope. I think you were her first body, but she has a lot of racial memory to draw on." At least that's the impression he'd gotten from what she was saying.

"Let me back that up a little. You were her first body that didn't explode. I don't think her race are really compatible with humans." It did beg the question of how she'd ended up in an AIM facility and what had been known about her before then, and who had written on the walls. Actually there were a lot of questions begging.

He really shouldn't be even vaguely circling the idea of making her a body. He knows better. He does, but he's curious.

[starkingenuity]

“That is not what I meant, Banner, and you know it.” No! His favorite pants! That he has so many of! Tony is completely unpleased that he was outsmarted, and wholly amused that he was outsmarted too. There was no one in this entire world like Bruce Banner, smart enough to not only give Tony a run for his money, but also to happily conceal that he was always the brains of the operation, even when Tony was the only talking him into everything. He kicked his legs, not to be childish, but to test to see if they would work for him.

They did. Thankfully. And he was cautious as he stood up, one hand on the table just in case. At least they seemed all right holding him up. He didn’t go for broke just yet to try and walk. Tony might not care if he blows himself up, but he really doesn’t want to look stupid in front of Bruce.

As Bruce wheeled over and then introduced him that jar that had once infiltrated his body, Tony arches an eyebrow at his friend. “Uh… Hi Kiara… Did you two set a date yet?” Why aren’t they destroying this thing, Banner? Because Tony would like to destroy it, thanks.

[hulkbusted]

Bruce's half smile is answer enough to whether he knew what Tony meant or not. This part of their friendship is the fun part - the games they can play and points they can score where no one got hurt. There'd been some good times before he'd decided to leave.

They'd also nearly caused the destruction of the whole human race together, so there is that.

And Tony's question is a valid one. He'd threatened to kill Kiara to get her out of Tony, and he'd meant it, but she's out and she had said there weren't many of her kind, and there is that whole nearly destroying the whole human race thing weighing on his mind. Maybe he has a little karma to balance.

He looks a little uncomfortable - a little more uncomfortable than usual - and studies the "jar." "There has to be a better way than just killing her. She let you go." When threatened with death. Again, not something he needs to mention just yet, even if he knows Tony will be able to see it if he ever gets around to watching recordings from the lab.

"If nothing else, I know a wormhole that'll drop her on another planet where she can find a more compatible host." Where she'll be someone else's problem is more like it.

[starkingenuity]

“So-- And hang on, let me get this straight, you want to launch her into a wormhole and let her take over someone else?” Because-- “Wow, I love how your mind works.” Tony takes the jar, which absolutely is not the very best thing to do considering how it had possessed him, and gives it a shake. “Hear that, I dream of Jeannie? If you’re going to try and kiss Banner with my lips and let me sleep through it, you’re getting a worm ho—”

Tony pauses, not because of what he just said, but because he’s just had a thought.

“So is that where you’re been? A wormhole? Are you holding out on me? Jesus, Banner, I demand as your soulmate and best friend ever that you hurry up and show me where this awesome thing is!” He wants to do more than throw Kiara in it.

He sort of wants to throw a whole lot of stuff in it.

[hulkbusted]

Why not? Everyone else is dumping on Sakaar.

"Can you not antagonize the alien possession creature?" He reaches for the jar to take it away from Tony before he has to have this argument with Kiara again, and this time he doubts she'd let him restrain Tony's body as easily.

He loses some of his will to wrestle over the jar, because, oh, yeah.... They'd both been doing a really crap job of catching each other up on the past two years, not just Tony. "Don't get any ideas about going through that wormhole. I'm guessing they don't like humans or Asgardians over there right about now."

[starkingenuity]

“You’re the worst. You’re not my best friend anymore. A rock is more attentive and willing to talk to me about his life than you are,” Tony proclaims though it’s pretty obvious that he probably has all of his immense resources honed less on protecting the world than in keeping track of Bruce Banner. It’s in his eyes. He’s got crazy stalker written all of his face so don’t try him. “I’m not going to fly to a trash world. Or are you insinuating that I’m trashy?”

FRIDAY can’t help but interrupt to inform them that SHIELD is still waiting in the lobby. And that Agent Romanoff is waiting in the living room.

Tony makes an uh-oh sort of face at Bruce. He’s not dumb, okay? He had seen how the two were with their awkward flirting.

She’s his biggest competition when it comes to Banner though and Tony isn’t going to let her corner them.

“Back way?”

[hulkbusted]

"I'm insinuating that--" What's that, FRIDAY? It's time to shut this down and run?

Bruce looks a little panicked at the mention of Agent Romanoff. Again, to his perception of time, he'd run not even a week ago and it is seriously messing with his head that everyone who actually gives or gave a shit about him has gone on to live two extra years while he'd been taking an extended nap.

He's just really not ready to have this particular conversation with Nat just yet.

"Yeah." He's good at this. Just slide on out when no one's looking and try very hard not to look back. "Where are we going?"

[starkingenuity]

“Trash planet.” What? Bruce shouldn’t have mentioned that there was an intergalactic trash planet. Imagine all of the cool junk! Sure. He’d also mentioned that Tony couldn’t go flying into the vortex, but what’s a little vortex between friends?

Maybe Bruce shouldn’t really worry though. That last vortex he was in almost killed him. He drinks to forget. And still manages to have nightmares.

But that’s not important now. He’s already through the window some ninety stories up and rushing along to the launching and landing platform. There’s a quintet there so Banner won’t have to be airlifted or anything. Tony sucks at carrying people as Iron Man. G-force is a bitch.

[hulkbusted]

"No..." No. Bruce is not giving Tony directions to that wormhole if he thinks he's actually going through it. No way, no how.

And he's going to tell Tony that just as soon as he knows what the hell just happened.

Tony doesn't seriously expect him to go out the window and into the quinjet 90 stories above the ground. Does he?

[starkingenuity]

Um. Yes? Yes he does Bruce. It’s safe! The catwalk is like three feet wide and there’s even a handrail! How else are they going to sneak out to the landing pad without SHIELD knowing? And Natasha is literally in his living room! Generally Tony just takes this exit when heading to his armor but even without his armor, everything is all right.

Live a little!

Tony rushes along to the quintet, telling FRIDAY to hurry up the preflight checklist while Bruce finds his balls and gets out there.

[hulkbusted]

Bruce gives serious consideration to just going out there and having a rational adult conversation with Nat and getting it over with.

Right, rational adult conversation. Why not just get swept along in Tony's wake instead, where rational and adult could wait a little while longer?

He's not having trouble finding his balls - these jeans make it impossible not to know where they are at all times - but he is having trouble with his well-honed instinct to run whenever possible to avoid an excess of attachment or emotion.

Stay, be an adult, talk to Nat. Leave, fly away with Peter Pan for a while, maybe remember why Earth was home.

He hasn't decided by the time the quinjet rises into view, but with a last glance back, he hugs Kiara's vessel to his chest and hurries across the catwalk muttering, "Don't look down, Banner. Just don't look down. It's fine."

Really, can't be any worse than what happened to him on the Bifrost, now can it?

[starkingenuity]

If Neverland Ranch hadn’t already been taken, Stark and then Avengers Tower would have had some very different naming conventions. That’s for sure.

The real choice lies in the sort of person that Banner would rather spend his time with. Broody, unable to have fun Natasha or Tony Stark, who is so very rarely broody where anyone can see him and whom the world thinks is completely driven by fun.

That might not be entirely true, and Bruce himself has seen Tony as his most serious (and lonely and depressed) but he still represents the better choice here. And if Banner can’t see that, then he will. Tony is in full courting mode, something he never had to do with Pepper but has become use to when dealing with politicians and before them, businesses and corporations.

He’s a sweet talker, that’s for sure. And resisting s rich billionaire in a quintet? Good. Luck.

“Hey stranger, going my way?” Yeah you are, Bruce, and the moment you’re inside, it’s up and away. “So where’s this wormhole?”

[hulkbusted]

Bruce knows that Tony isn't all fun all the time; he knows that Tony has his own ghosts and darkness that he attacks both similarly and entirely differently from the way Bruce handles his. He knows it, but if they spend too much time talking feelings, they're going to end up swimming in tears like Alice down the rabbit hole.

Kiara gets stashed in a locker before he makes his way up to the cockpit and straps himself in beside Tony. "I don't think you get it, Tony. They eat people in Sakaar. People like you. I'm not giving you directions to go there if you're just looking for a joyride."

[starkingenuity]

They also eat cakes down rabbit holes, Bruce. Cakes that make you get so huge you bust down houses. Focus on the positives here!

Tony gives Bruce a sidelong glance. “I’m not going to risk the both of us, but if that jar is going to find a new home, you’ve got to be a little more trusting.” Or they can just fly around for a few hours and hit up one of Tony’s many, many homes away from home. Maybe at a casino? He doesn’t think having Bruce around will bring him much luck though.

The guy comes with his own rain cloud. One that Tony missed a whole lot.

“And I just want to know what you’ve been up to for the last few years. Is that so bad?”

[hulkbusted]

Getting huge and busting down houses is Bruce's idea of a negative, thanks. A really big damn negative.

"So far today you've been responsible for three fires and got yourself possessed by an alien who was going to be very disappointed to learn you couldn't have more little aliens in jars for her." Bruce's tone is giving the Sahara a run for its money for dry.

And really, he doesn't want Tony to see a skyscraper with Hulk's face on it like some kind of giant middle finger from the universe to Bruce.

Of course, if Bruce (technically Hulk, even worse) could get there in a quinjet, then there's a real risk that some other humans could blunder through there if it isn't mapped and made off limits.

[starkingenuity]

“So it’s been a light day,” Tony agrees. “And I see through your deflection. It’s fine. One day you’ll like me enough to share the parts of you that make you so amazing.” Tont ought to write inspirational greeting cards. Most of them would be boozey and terrible of course but sometimes he comes up with a few winner. A selfless Tony Stark is a rarity but Bruce sees more if it than most people.

Tony has never been so open with anyone else. It’s a testament to the other man. Or maybe it says more about where Tony’s mindset is the majority of the time.

He still thinks of himself as a remarkable judge of character. And Bruce is the best person he knows. Better than Cap, that’s for sure.

“And hey. Listen. I was game for alien jar babies. We would make some beautiful and smart kids.”

[hulkbusted]

He doesn't want to laugh, but Tony manages to surprise it out of him. A light day. That's... actually kind of accurate.

Tony is like a battering ram. Lock a door and he's going through it one way or another, and he probably has three other ways to bust through percolating in the back of his head in case the first try doesn't work.

He also treats Bruce like a person. He doesn't flinch when Bruce's temper gets short, he doesn't tiptoe around him as though he's going to bust out the Hulk if a balloon pops nearby. He just pragmatically helps Bruce design Veronica and sets him loose in a lab to follow whatever new idea catches his attention.

He leans away from Tony to look out the window at the Earth passing by beneath them. "I don't even want to think about how that would work. And if your next sentence starts with some variation of 'when a mommy and daddy love each other very much' I'm turning this jet around and going home."

That threat might work a little better if he weren't trying to hide a smile.

[starkingenuity]

Tony can’t help but to laugh. “No. But I think I could probably make an artificial womb and between the two of us, a little X-chromosome splicing shouldn’t be that hard.” And he means it too. They’re both geniuses. If anyone can figure out how to have a baby without a woman, it has to be the two of them. “Unless you want to be the mommy, I’ve probably got dead beat dad written all over my forehead already.”

Like father, like son, yadda yadda. Bruce would make a good dad... if he could get his heart rate to cooperate long enough to ejaculate without going all Hulk on the poor woman.

It’s a really a weird line of thought that Tony decides not to share at this time and instead leans protectively over the controls of the jet.

“You know we have to do something about your wormhole. Who knows what else has gotten sucked up into it. Help a guy out Banner.”

[hulkbusted]

That idea is going to go right up there with making a body for an alien entity at the top of the hell no list in Bruce's head. The problem being that the majority of items on that list are there because they had intrigued him in one way or another. He has other lists, like the things I shouldn't do because they come with a risk of Hulk list and the I regret trying that list, but the hell no list is a big one.

Funny how he so often seems to add new items to it when he hangs around Tony.

"Ethics aside - which they shouldn't be - by the way, I'm pretty sure you're not ready to settle down and I've always been a monogamous kind of guy." He turns the co-pilot's seat to face toward Tony and scrubs a hand over his face.

"They're real big on gladiatorial combat on Sakaar. If I show you the wormhole, you have to promise me that you aren't setting foot on that planet." He doesn't give Tony time to answer before closing an obvious loophole, "If the suit's foot touches, it counts as your foot."

[starkingenuity]

“Rethink everything you just said and add a second stipulation,” Tony grins at Bruce. He can always just say he won’t set foot or boot anywhere but Earth but there’s nothing about flying there. Luckily for everyone, he has absolutely no intention, even if the pay off is cool and unusual gadgets to mess with, of going through another wormhole. Okay, he has a small intention of doing it, but it’s so tiny! He can barely see it! And it’s so little he might ignore it if it tries to tempt him anyway. He offers a little shrug and continues to fly out of the city and over the Atlantic. SHIELD is probably onto them but they won’t respond or tail Stark. They’ve learned better than that.

Tony can joyride for awhile until Banner corrects himself. They can head there, take some readings, toss Kiara through the worm hole and maybe stop for a picnic? You know, really made a date of it.

[hulkbusted]

To his conscious mind he hasn't really had time to miss Tony, or anyone for that matter, but there's a part of himself that is still aware of the passage of time and his answering smile is fueled by that subconscious awareness. He's really missed Tony and that's messing with his head.

"If I stipulate that you stay on this side of the wormhole will you do it?" He's hoping, but he has to admit to himself that most of his thinking about Tony and wormhole involve Tony barreling on through because it's cool.

[starkingenuity]

“One wormhole a lifetime is enough,” Tony says, suddenly a little too serious. “But I am absolutely sending a probe.” At least he’s honest? Right? That’s got to make Bruce feel a little better about this entire situation?

Tony is quiet for a moment as he glances back towards the locker where Kiara is being held and once Bruce gives him the coordinates, it’s not like he really has to fly the quinjet himself. It leaves more time for conversation.

Such as: “Are you going to tell me what happened? You and Thor show up out of no where with a nightmare diplomatic situation and it’s just oh hello? I spent two years looking for you.” And doing other things too but all of his downtime was Banner focused.

[Big wigs are still in the office. Today might be another super slow day.]

[hulkbusted]

After a moment's thought, Bruce shrugs and decides this isn't a battle he wants to pick. Besides, he wants to see the data, too. "Knock yourself out."

Are there reasons this could be a bad idea? Of course. Is that going to stop either of them? Past history indicates that both Bruce and Tony have a bad track record for letting common sense stop them when intellectual curiosity is engaged.

That's the easy part. The less easy part is Tony's question and all that's going to follow it. He's known this was coming, but it doesn't stop his gaze from sliding away from Tony toward the view out the front windscreen.

"My last clear memory of Earth is Sokovia," he says at last, slowly, shaking his head a little while he strains for a better answer than that.

"Nat...." Had been in danger from him then and could be again. Had needed Hulk more than she'd needed him. Hadn't really understood what she'd been asking of him. Had better have moved on. All of that, and none of it feels good.

"I don't know what happened. Hulk got us to Sakaar, don't ask me how. I got the wormhole coordinates from the quinjet's records a few days ago." Before the quinjet was no longer a viable option for getting home.

He finally drags his eyes back over to Tony and he looks... He's terrified in a way that a man who is a twisted kind of indestructible shouldn't be. "He was running the show for two years and he didn't want to let go."

That kind of leaves off the whole destruction of Asgard, Ragnarok, the goddess of death, and Bruce jumping onto the Bifrost (ouch, by the way) despite his certainty at the time that he was killing himself to let Hulk out for good.

[ooc: No worries. Had a project dropped back in my lap that of course is needed before the company shuts down for a week at the end of the month. RL > RP even if RP is more fun.]

[starkingenuity]

Tony can’t imagine what it would be like to be stuck for year years like that. Banner never remembers what happens after a Code Green. He’s got some vague sense of movement, he’s got a headache, and his entire soul is half shattered, but his memory isn’t in tact at all. Going to sleep for two years I had got to be the worst. For a guy like Tony with his fear of missing out on everything, it would have been unbearable.

He chooses to focus on that instead of the Natasha issue, instead of asking about Thor and his oh so delightful brother (and all of Asgard) are in the process of negotiating for land with Norway.

These are strange times they live in.

“Did Scarlet Witch show you something bad?” Because he’s gonna refuse that you chose to run away over a girl.